Victoria Shared Her Secret

My wonderful husband gifted me with new panties from VS for christmas because I had a little too much junk for old trunks. Of course I found that I needed still bigger trunks and went in to exchange them and decided that I'd browse for some bras. You know, those silly contraptions that hold your udders ta-tas. Well I just grabbed the next size up and headed for the fitting room, totally out of character for me. The woman working the fitting room offered to fit me and since I hadn't been fitted since, oh, ummm, 11th grade, I took her up on the offer. Holy Moley!! Victoria told me I'm huge! I've been stuffing DD's into a small sports bra for the last 10 months or so! I spent a good 10 minutes in the fitting room staring in the mirror, trying on different bras brought to me, admiring how nice my boobs look! It's amazing what some fabric can do for you!! I felt pretty and it was nice, but then I saw my tummy and my dress-up game was over. Oh and dear Victoria believes that everyone over a D cup needs underwire which I'm not pleased with but I'll learn to work with.

So I decided to wait to buy them. I text my mother and asked her to purchase a bra for me when she make her next order for my demon sister. The demon has special order bras because her ta-tas are the size of sugar baby melons and my mother still buys her under garments so I figured I'd jump on the band wagon. A few hours later father calls to question if I would have a problem with a pink bra or a patterned bra. He even asked if I wanted something "a little sexy for your husband". MY FATHER! So awkward!!! An hour after that they were walking in my front door with a bag of bras and sleepers. The bras were the wrong size so I had to go back and exchange them but I was still pleasantly surprised. I'll feel pretty at work tomorrow in my new harness bra which will give me a reason to smile and trudge through my day. I have an inkling the bossman will be none to pleased when I tell him I won't be able to work next Friday.

I also purchased more fabric to make the girls dresses for my aunt's wedding. This would be my mother's twin, who is marrying a man younger than my husband! LOL! I love my non-traditional family! I also looked around a dresses for myself, but it's incredibly hard to find a dress when your top and bottom have a substantial size difference. I have a box full of very nice dresses that will never again grace this frame, I wonder if I could expand them somehow. I think I might futz around with that. My cousin has offered up a shopping date that I'll probably take. A mother of two and mother to be shopping for formal wear...that should take ALL NIGHT! What do you wear to a wedding anyhow? A non-traditional, non-denomination, not serious but held at a nice restaurant with his "rich" family in attendance where wine will be served by the case kinda wedding?? More importantly what do you get people who are older, have everything homey, and are on their second and third marriages?? Oy! My head is spinning!

Well I'm off to search the net for a crochet mary jane baby shoe pattern. Wish me luck! Hope everyone has had a great year. I hope to post tomorrow about 2009! What a wild year!

Staged Photos

So I staged a photo, I'm a bad mom! Haha! I realized that even after two days of christmases I never got a photo of the girls in their dresses. The dresses I worked soo hard to make! Ok I didn't work that hard, but it did take a lot of time. So here there are!

So the rest of this week is about relaxing and not killing each other. Typical family holiday! Anyone want some homemade dresses? Kami? Anyone?

Christmas

A simple holiday for once and we get to do it again tomorrow. I'm exhausted so I'll get around to a real post later. I hope everyone had a fantastic holiday and just for you Leigh, a family pic. I'm fully clothed and smiling! Our first family picture!!! I would like to add the disclaimer that this was taken at my parents house. Never will I live in a house with knotty pine paneling again nor will I ever put tinsel on my tree! Mother is stuck in the past-you should see the tree toper!

Dress Success!

I'm a procrastinator, have been since my earliest days. Whenever I complain about my lack of accomplishments now, people are quick to remind me I have twins. But it honestly has nothing to do with them, I'm just a big slacker-I hope they don't pick that up from me! I also have a tendency to start projects and never finish them, or make completely useless things. Well all that has changed, not really, but I FINISHED A PROJECT ON TIME! The girls have christmas dresses.

(Crappy picture, thank you mr. cell phone)

(I know everyone is jealous of my un-pedicured foot!!)

Claire is modeling my creation. Two of these dresses, with different color ribbons for each. Red for Claire and green for Emma. Does anyone else have 'colors' for their kids? Emma is always in green, Claire is either blue or whatever else is available. So the dresses are a little funky, I kinda made it up as I went along. I hate spending money on patterns! So they have a little extra room in the arms and no sleeves (so I slacked a little) but they are done and all for about $5, well $7 with ribbon. Let's see carters give me two dresses for that much! HA! Tonight I need to make christmas night gowns to match their stockings. They will hate me so much for this one day, and I'm going to love it!!!

2 Babies, 20 Inches, 200th Post

The title sums it up nicely. I had to get the picture, you know I had to. Even if we have crazy amounts of snow. There is two feet in my front yard, but the weather man swears we only got 20 inches. And yes, I did go to work in a blizzard and YES, there were people shopping. Grocery shopping! Regular old grocery shopping, not the panicked I need milk, eggs, and toilet paper shopping. I spent the better part of yesterday logging what people just couldn't live without, what they had to trek to the grocery store to get in the middle of a blizzard. Some of my favorites were celery, chocolate dipped pretzels, two foot sub, and 3 bags of ice! ICE! In a blizzard!! Guess the snow wasn't cold enough for them?? Oh how I could ramble about the different types of humanity that rolled down the aisles yesterday. But I am in a hurry to get back there-HA!

I put the girls in their new buntings my aunt got them. They are too big, and not my style. But they are nice and warm, full of fluff, and will do the job nicely. I'll probably stick with their old buntings till they're skin tight though, it's all about looks! The snow is so deep that they didn't sink all the way down when we dropped them in! So they had little snow seats instead because I couldn't live without a picture.

They weren't the slightest bit interested. Emma just wanted to go to sleep. Claire didn't seem to know what was going on, nor did she care. I'm sure the neighbors thought I was crazy. Oh well. I can't wait till next winter, I hope it snows again like this!

Quick Bullets Before Work (Details Later)

-I threw out our snow shovel

-We're out of food

-We have one spare roll of toilet paper between two bathrooms

-I work at a grocery store

--**Baltimore Forecast: SNOW!! 8-12 INCHES!!**--

You can figure out the rest....

Walnut Brownie Celebration

So much for dieting right?

Tonight we had walnut brownies instead of the cake I planned to bake. Why a cake? Because the girls are a year old, as in year ago today sperm met egg. I know, how corny, but I think it's neat. I can tell you the exact day the girls were conceived, lets see a fertile do that!

But the mini celebration that has been raging through my head today reminded me of where we were this night last year, thinking that our cycle was a failure and that we would never have children. I have never, and I wonder if I ever will again, see my husband cry so hard and show such raw emotion. I remember trying to calm him, but how do you calm someone who has just had that news delivered? The silence in our house that night, the dread that filled our bedroom, my constant motion and over exertion to keep going and not deal with reality-it feels like it was just yesterday.

I drove us home, you know right after retrieval-HA!, put him to bed, fed him and ran out to get his drugs. Then I waited for him to sleep. I left him. I locked myself in the basement stairwell and tried so hard to cry but I couldn't. I couldn't give up hope. I was hoping for a miracle and that is exactly what I got. Two to be exact. I couldn't be any happier. I can't get enough sniffs, kisses or cuddles in. I even love dirty diapers, how sick is that? DH still carries around the lucky two dollar bill. I'm seriously thinking we'll frame it.

Today I just stared at them for a bit. I wondered how we got here, if I could remember each step, each person we met along the way. My weirdest thought today, which totally screams IVF-er, was wondering how many cells they are now. How silly is that? I'd definitely label them grade A! I feel bad, I sent word of their birth but never sent out the announcements. Holiday pictures will have to do!

Hopefully I'll get some pictures of the girls in front of the tree tomorrow. It took two days but we got it up and decorated. DH picked out a wonderful tree this year, it's full and dense. Did I mention he also picked out our ornament this year? It was raining Sunday morning and after dragging the girls in and out of the car a few times I was spent. He takes such great care of us! Oh, and Mr. Wonderful is also doing the christmas shopping for the girls! I hate stores, especially this time of year. He, however, is a great shopper. He can stay on task and knows all the out of the way places to find just what he needs! I don't know what I'd do without him. I did manage to make the girls stockings, and today I cut out fronts for matching night gowns. I dunno if I'll finish them. I'll leave you with some pictures of our weekend!

Mother called them grinch shoes, I called them elf boots. I'm really please with them. I was upset that I forgot to put in the loops to hang them, not that we hang our stockings!

Our ornament for 2009-we went with "family christmas" as our theme this year.

Our nap this afternoon. Look at how big my babies are! Claire is on top at 14lbs 3 oz and Emma is 13 lbs 8 oz! Jeeze!!

Claire's smashed ear. She did this all the time when she was first born, she would rub her head into the mattress just like I do! I didn't think they would still get stuck-I was wrong!

Hope everyone is have a good week. I think I'll make cookies tomorrow and finish putting out decorations. I figure if I finish before christmas I won't be a bad mom!

Shocking Realization

LIFE IS NOT PERFECT

It has never really hit me until now. It's something everyone knows, they is stored in the back of your mind along with your ATM pin and grandmother's birth date. But today it hit me that although life is not perfect, I am happy. It's important to remember that they don't go hand in hand and that you can be completely happy during downright miserable times. Today I'm thankful for my little family, to have my husband come home to me every night and that my children are healthy. The rest isn't perfect, like the paint splotch on my ceiling (grrr), but it doesn't matter. I have everything I could ever need right here under one roof (currently babbling in 3 part harmony!).

Time for dinner! Christmas post later!

T-12

12 shopping days left-just a friendly reminder!

HELP!!

What do you get two 5 month olds??

Wait....Weight?!

So last night after the girls were in bed DH and I decide to bust out the wii fit. Sounds like a great idea, I was actually excited to start working on my yummy, otherwise known as the forgotten baby. So I hop on and as anyone who has used a fit know, you start with your balance test then get your BMI and weight. Well last time I stepped on was a month after the girls were born. I hope on to find out that I have horrid balance and my BMI rose. It took me a few seconds to figure out what was wrong....I GAINED, yes GAINED, 16 lbs! 16.3 to be exact! 125 lbs of mama here! That was a bit shocking to say the least. What happen to the weight just melting away from taking care of twins? What about the two sets of stairs I run countlessly everyday? What about breastfeeding? I then proceeded to exhaust myself with 10 minutes of activity before I settled in for the night with some chocolate chip cookies and a refreshing glass of whole milk LOL! You can see how upset I am! So DH and I are gifting each other Active for the fit this year for x-mas. I'm not concerned with the actual number, just the flub on my tummy. I've given up ever getting anywhere near the size I used to me-I've joined the average club friends!

The girls are doing quite well. I'm disappointed in myself for not socializing them more. I'm starting to see their attachment and I'm bothered by it. I would much rather be able to hand them to someone without them fussing. Yesterday we went and got pictures done. Their first pictures, and they were having none of it! Our appointment was late and the girls didn't take their early morning nap which left us with cranky babies. The pictures didn't turn out horrible, just lacking in the smile department, or any emotion really. I think I'll set up our camera and take some holiday family pictures in front of the tree next week. Of course that means we will have to find a tree and decorate it!

Last but not least, Claire has found her voice and is losing her hair-AGAIN! Poor child will never have hair. The last few days she has babbled and squealed and today she has been a squealing machine! All day! With or without provocation! It was so weird to listen to her while I was in the shower. I think Emma feels left out. It looks like she has something to say but nothing comes out! She probably sick of Claire squealing for attention, poor girl. Her time will come and soon I think. She'll open her mouth but nothing comes out and today she was making some sounds along with her usual grunts.

Nap Time

How long is nap time? Really. I have started this nap time business, and I'm not sure if I should let them sleep till they wake up, wake them up, wake the other if one is up or let her sleep till she wakes up...what do I do?? Where are the instructions?

So last night was horrible for me, and I've realized that DH's morning routine ensures a 5:30-6 wake up time with the girls in our room so the notice has been served! Tonight I will move their last feed to 10 or 11 and they will spend their first night in their crib and I- I will sleep!!! Hopefully they will sleep till 6 without a fight. They sleep wonderfully in their cribs which brings me back to nap time. They demanded to eat early-so much for my schedule huh-so we ate and went down for naps so I could attack the house. That was almost 2 hours ago! They were up from 9:30 to 1:30 and they will go back down for the night at 8. I feel like they are sleeping too much, or maybe I am just not used to the spaced out feeds yet?

Just needed a mommy break, the day is dreary and I'm just not feeling it today!

I'm Not Fat and Eviction

...I just have a medical condition! HA HA! What a cop out but I think I'll take it. Diastasis Recti, separation of the main abdominal muscle and my excuse for being fat. Of course this brownie DH lovingly made along with my lazy day of sleeping in and dress making was no help. I can't find the motivation or energy, yet I'm very dissatisfied. Today I did some half hearted tummy exercises and I feel all 10 minutes! I feel it on the sides most, which isn't the main problem or what I'm trying to resolve.

Moving right along, I think it's eviction time. Rather it's been eviction time and I can't let go. The babies need to be evicted from our room. They're big, almost too big. They've slept in a packnplay in our bedroom since they came home, never mind the fact that there are two perfectly good cribs just down the hall in a tastefully decorated nursery! I've always had a million excuses, even sinking so far as to admit my own laziness and desire for an extra thirty seconds of sleep that I would lose walking down the hall but there's is no use putting it off any longer. The only problem is I can't. I've tried for 3 nights now. They start off in their cribs when we put them down at 8, but when I get them at 12 for their last feed and a pep talk that goes along the lines of please-just-this-once-sleep-for-ten-hours-and-I'll-buy-you-a-herd-of-ponies, I can't stand to take them back! I think I am afraid for their safety and well being, that something will happen and I won't be around. I question whether them sleeping in our room at all was the best decision. Why can't I let go? They're going down the hall, not to some college across the country-which they'll never do btw, I won't stand to have them that far away! The real kicker is after they wake for their early morning bottle I put them back in their cribs and come down to my room for some more shut eye! Maybe I'm subconsciously afraid of the boogie man getting them! What am I to do? Help!

One Dilemma To Another

It's now quarter to one in the morning. I stayed up to clear my head from the rage that was directed at my sleepy husband with every intention to feed the babies at 12. They were eating when I got home from work at 9:30-ack!-so I decided to wait a little longer. Now I don't know whether to wake and feed now or let them see how long they go. Either way I'm screwed for sleep again. Which brings me to my point...

How much can I expect from one man?

This is what else can I reasonably expect this tired man to do after he's worked all day and had the kids all evening? Is it wrong to expect him to follow my lead and my schedule and my rules? Would it be obnoxious to post laws of the house?? Is it wrong to expect him to do what I ask? To follow directions and honor requests?? I think I am headed towards a war, and possibly divorce court, if I don't get myself in check! Still it bothers me soooooo much sometimes! I may not work as much outside the home, but I feel I do a lot more over all and the age card is balanced by the lack of sleep. How much does everyone else get out of their husbands on average? I'm in no way bashing my husband, he does more than his fair share. It just never seems to happen when I need it most! That's life. I suppose I should be thankful that he is as active and helpful as he is. I am truly thankful for him and all he does. He is a great provider. I think I just need to get my crankiness in check....

...the more I think about this post, the more I think this pimple on my chin may be the cause...

Thank You!!

Thank you everyone! I was in a bit of a funk today and all your comments really helped. It's really hard to just let go sometimes. It's always something, a baby (or two) crying, dirty dishes, barking dogs, laundry-I know you all have the same problems!

Luckily I have my husband. He really is wonderful. Everyday he text me to find out how I am, tell me when he is leaving working (I think we all count down Rebecca!) and today he called just to hear my voice! I love him so much. He knew I was having a bad day and came home and made dinner, did baths with the girls and spent time with me after we put the girls down. It was grown up time which I really needed! REALLY NEEDED! And since I share too much online, I'm happy to report we "did it", go us! First time in....way to long! Almost a year-whole crap! And boy were we out of practice, silly me thought it would be like riding a bike! I think I found a cure for next time I'm feeling down!

I was so desperate to escape my funk that I went out with the sister beast! Total waste of an afternoon, well two hours. She store hoped buying gifts for my parents, by parents I mean mother because we all know that fathers are impossible to buy for. She left the expensive requests for father, by expensive I mean bath and body shower gel and yankee candles. I guess she didn't realize all the $10 gifts add up! I was disgusted to find out that my parents are still repairing her car and just paid $200 to fix her computer because I wouldn't come over and do it! Maybe if they gave me $200 I'd be more motivated! All they had to do was run anti-virus! At least I got a laugh out of driving behind a truck that was hauling a gutted deer home-she was totally disgusted.

Sister: "Did it get shot?"

Me: "No, that's were they gutted it."

S: puzzled look

Me: "They removed the insides."

Did I mention she finally graduated this summer? My parents let her take one class at community college which I thought was a waste but she does change her mind an awful lot. Today she was boasting that she has a B average in her class, no small feat for her! I asked exactly what class she was taking-READING 052! WHAT THE HELL? They are paying for her to relearn what she should have learned to earn that diploma! So needless to say my third grade self will be out in full force come christmas, I will catalogue her every gift and throw myself a pity party when I see how little my daughters get in comparison.

Bet you thought I wanted something didn't you! Sadly I can't think of things I want or need, so far I've come up with a new paper towel holder, shelving units for food downstairs and new bed pillows. How thrilling! I just think of things I want for the girls, does anyone else have this problem? It's either stuff for the girls, stuff for the house, or stuff you just don't ask for-like a new couch. I told my sister we weren't exchanging gifts, that I was poor. Which sounded a lot nicer than I don't like you and you're ungrateful so I'll save my money. Not the brightest idea, or maybe it is, mother texts tonight questioning what the girls need. So I'm pretty sure my mother now thinks I'm destitute-lovely.

Tomorrow the girls will be staying with a coworker. Their first babysitter that isn't family. Now this woman has raised so many children she is over qualified, but I am still nervous. Not that she can't handle them, but that they will freak around someone/place new. Well it's that time again, feed the girls before bed. Hope everyone has a good Wednesday.

Will

It will always be time for feeding during our appointments regardless of when I schedule them, just as it will always rain the day of our appointments no matter what the forecast. The girls will be angels till the doctor finally shows up and when we leave someone will fuss as we get into the stroller. The elevators will take forever, people will gather, and those people will try to help me. They will also stare and they will ask "THE TWIN QUESTIONS". The girls will grow, they will get shots and they will take them like champs. We will always have to go to the doctors, this I must accept.

So when will I stop worrying and sweating the small stuff?

I mean really, why must I be so hard on myself for forgetting the umbrella? Why can't I just accept that more than one baby is the most interesting thing in the world? I'm not sure that having more than one baby at a time makes your life an open book, but I certainly feel that way. I thank people for all their help and when they aren't in my way it is actually very helpful, but don't touch. Not the stroller, not the babies, and certainly not me. Look, smile and go about your day, don't ask if two babies-who are the same size and look alike and wearing pink, are twins, girls, or mine! I really like the people that just smile and nod, I'm a smile and nod kind of person. I like people who get out of my way, or let me go to get out of theirs, I don't need small talk and I really don't want to tell you about my delivery in an elevator or talk across a waiting room about the girls first months! Am I weird?

Anyhow....

The girls weighted in at 12.4lbs a piece. I was shocked because carrying them around all the time I was really expecting about 57 lbs! They are getting heavy and I really need to start working out if I plan on carrying them around past 6 months! I was beaming with pride when the Dr was surprised they we still on BM and raved about how it good it was for them. Yes, booby juice is the way in our house and if it weren't for my trusty pump, who is coincidentally my best friend now, my children would starve-formula is EXPENSIVE! I was even happier to find out that the girls show no signs of prematurity other than weight. They are in the 15% for weight by age, 30% for length, and 50% for head circumference. Emma is right on track developmentally and is almost rolling regularly and wiggles around so much she should be crawling early. She can already scoot! Claire is looking like a 6 month old developmentally, and although she doesn't move as well as Emma, she is almost sitting on her own and apparently that means she'll be walking before she's 1! AHHH! I used to be able to lay them on the bed and run and get a bib or diaper but no more.

This morning I sat in their room going back and forth between the cribs just wondering where the time went! We brought home such small babies who needed us for everything and now they are becoming the slightest bit independent and it's breaking my heart! What happen to my babies?!

Maybe it's the hormones a little, I'm not sure when I'll be back on any type of predictable cycle. I do know that I miss my metabolism which I had taken for granted. For the first time in my life I am going to have to start watching what I eat, and make an effort to exercise regularly. Everyone assured me that the weight would just melt right off and I be back in my jeans a month after the babies. HA! So I'm a size 8 now, and I put on a pair of jeans that fit pretty well yesterday to find out they were tight. Not bloated tight, but thight-butt-quit-eating-pumpkin-roll tight! I'm so disgusted with my tummy, and DH was so nice about it! He's encouraging without being pushy, I really think he will help me. This will be a huge adjustment for me! Thankfully the holidays are almost over and I can start the new year with a new outlook!

Foggy Night

Both outside and in my head. Luckily my darling husband put on the history channel's Beatle's show, because I'm obsessed. I'm not really learning much or taking anything new in, but I'm soooo in love with them that I'll watch/listen/buy just about anything. Hence my hard drive being overloaded with every recording ever made by them as a group.

Anywho...back to business!

Do you see this face?

It's not looking like this face soo much recently. We believe the culprit is small, white, and erupting through the gums of her lower jaw. That's right, teeth. I'm afraid that dear, sweet, Emma has turned into screaming, monster child. Luckily it's just spurts of inconsolable tears, but for a mama not to used to whiney babies it's really taking it's toll! I'm deathly afraid it will cut into our sleep schedule which I work so hard to maintain! Wish us luck!

Hope everyone enjoys their Turkey Day tomorrow!

Another First

This time it isn't the babies first though, we have a sick Mama. Sick, caring for two babies, two obnoxious dogs, a crazy cat and doing laundry while simultaneously trying to beat a friend in farmville is more than I can handle. So maybe the dogs aren't that bad and the cat does stick to himself, I guess farmville isn't a necessity but still, being sick is no fun. Right now I am thinking it's just a cold, a cold I'd really rather not have but lets just hope it hurries along and the girls don't get sick. In a fog today I considered drink some bm to cure me. Yes, it was really foggy in my head today but follow my logic! Babies can nurse while your sick and not get sick because the milk doesn't pass germs. The milk actually contains antibodies to help the babies immune systems and prevent them from getting sick! So, I was thinking if I boosted myself with some booby juice I'd be instantly better! I refrained though, I don't think I could make myself drink it, I'm weird like that. Although now that I think about it I should totally run with this idea! I'd create a human milking plant and develop health drinks! I'd be rich! Ha ha!

So this Sunday was a family day. We went to DH's niece's and what started as a little meet and greet with the girls and her family turned into an early turkey day with extended family. It was nice to see everyone but very weird to be baby-less! I wasn't sure what to do with myself! We also got tons of leftovers so I've been eating well this week! Monday an old friend dropped off some toys for the girls so I spent a part of today cloroxing them to death. The girls need to be a little bigger before they can really use it but I sat them in it anyhow! I am going to love the exersaucer! It's a free babysitter! It's a let-me-go-switch-out-loads-real-quick-without-running-babies-all-over-the-house-sitter! FANTASTIC! Hopefully tomorrow I will finish the girls' shoes and start piecing together their christmas dresses. I am really torn on whether to put a lining in them or not. I specifically had DH pick fabric that could be worn for more than just christmas but they ultimately won't wear the dress for more than a few times because who dresses up for tummy time?

I still need to sit down and discuss christmas and picture scheduling with DH. He agreed to pictures but didn't really give me a time. Christmas is looking like slim pickin's this year, I have no idea what to get anyone, nor the time and energy. We might just have to hit walmart's gift card display. Hopefully I can knock this cold out with an outrageous amount of vitamin C and a good night's sleep-hear that ladies?? Traveling from PA to VA and back home to MD on Turkey Day will likely kill me if I'm sick, and working the next day will be miserable. I think such traveling may be banned in the future....

Picture Help!!

The girls will be 4 months tomorrow. 4 MONTHS! I have yet to taken for pictures, what a horrible mom. I'm sorry I missed out on the super cute newborn pics but I have plenty I took myself. I wasn't about to risk their health for a picture.

That being said I found out today the penneys does online scheduling. So exciting! But this has lead me down a slippery slope! What to wear? How to pose? Props? Family shots? I just don't know what I want! I'm sure I can find something to wear, maybe even change clothes too. I'd definitely want family shots since we have NONE! However the issues of poses and props is bothering me. How do you pose twins? I want to express their individuality, and I'd prefer nothing corny. Of course they aren't sitting on their own just yet so that limits us. I refuse to go girly and really want something unique.

Any thoughts?

Prematurity Awareness!

I spent 13 weeks on bed rest to see these faces. We were hoping to spend 18 weeks in bed. Perhaps hoping is too strong of a word because anyone who has ever been sent to bed knows it's not a walk in the park and very little "resting" is done.

We had known it was highly likely that they would be joining us earlier than they should but who doesn't hope that their overly experience peri is wrong for once?! After 3 days of laboring on and off our ladies greeted us at 9:32 and 9:33 a.m. Monday July 20th-7 weeks early. 7 weeks is a cake walk compared to the plight of some babies but it was plenty scary for first time parents. Thanks to steroids, wonderful doctors, compassionate and caring nurses and the thoroughness of NICU operations our girls are now 17 week and show few signs of their premature birth. While no parent is ever totally prepared for the NICU experience I feel like it made us appreciate our miracle babies that much more. Leave the hospital without the babies and scheduling life around hospital visits and pumping schedules wasn't parting of my PP plan, but I'm so thankful that I had babies that survived their premature birth and for the technology and medical advances that allowed them to survive.

Send in your monies and count your lucky stars!

Off my soapbox...

Don't Be Lazy

HA!

I'm lazy everyday now! I'm full of excuses and lacking proper motivation. Why clean the house if someone else will dirty it? Can you believe DH had the gall to remind me to "not be lazy", yes I might have called myself lazy but I'm the only one allowed to call myself that! While I had every intention of getting up after the 6 o'clock feed I just laid back down for a second....then magically it was 10 o'clock and time for another feed! Any motivation I had is now gone. So we'll grocery shop instead, let people look at my gorgeous children and hope they don't notice my sloppy mom attire.

Last night we went to the drive-in and the night before I went to a bull roast. It was a very busy weekend. Hopefully I'll have some more time to blog later, dogs are whining and babies are crying the the growl that came from my stomach was unreal!

What a Night

Drive-In......SUCCESS!

It's now 9:28 and DH is asleep, Emma is asleep, and the life of the party Claire is engrossed in the Wizard of Oz with me. As anti-tv as I tend to be, how can I deny her a classic? Bedtime after we pass through the poppies-promise!

I love family time!

Did I Say I Would Clean?

I bathed the girls and myself, that was about the only cleaning that got done today. I was so lazy and am so behind in laundry that I went out and bough a shirt to wear to work! That is horrible-but I got a good deal! Maybe I'll do some cleaning on Saturday...

I'm not sure if it's since the babies have arrived or if I have always been this way, but the weather is really playing into my mood. REALLY REALLY playing into my mood. I had no energy or motivation today. I just wanted to lay in bed with them, and did till about 11. When I dropped them off with mother I really wanted to cry. If I hadn't already spoken with my boss and got a favor with next weeks' schedule I think I would have called out. The boss man texted me, and I asked for early this Sunday. His normal hoo-ra ensued but I'm almost positive he gave it to me. I can't wait to hit the drive-in with the girls. Maybe I should sneak in food in the diaper bag lol!

So now I'm pumping before I pull on some work clothes for a crap shift! 6 hours isn't worth the effort of getting the girls and myself ready! The only upside to this other than money is that when DH has the girls by himself he tends to be wide awake and stays up late with me! Hopefully we'll have another good night! The girls slept straight through till 6 this morning and had to be roused for their 10 o'clock feeds!

11:51 p.m.

I'm sleepy. Very sleepy. A little hungry. A little sad. Very excited. Somewhat confused. A tad angry and a good bit carefree. I'm all over the map right now. Rebecca, I'm following your lead-censorship has set sail from this blog!!

The over nights with the girls are getting easier, I'm just at the end of my rope. They'll sleep 6-7 hours but that starts way to early and leaves me getting up a 3 a.m. with them. If I laid down at 8 with them it wouldn't be a problem but I'm not 73 yet and this house needs to have some sort of order before I can rest! I need to accept that I can't do it all, and I need to make priorities and stick to them. I need to learn to stick to things. So far I'm sticking to this new schedule with the girls and it seems to be working out rather nicely. We're only two days in so I'm not head over heels yet. I just can't find a way to get them to sleep from 12-6! I really feel like work is more of a hinderance with the girls schedule and is aiding in my grumpiness. Working 3 days a week is killer, the long 4 day break gives my body time to settle back down which makes those three days hell. It would be nice to have a little more help with the girls when I need it but I don't know where to turn. It's nothing I can't handle, but I would love to sleep 8 hours straight! Naps are great but there is nothing like uninterrupted sleep!

As much as I would love to sneak off to the basement for a full night of sleep, I don't think I could leave the girls with DH. He would sleep through their screams till they were in full inconsolable breakdowns-if he woke up at all! Is it wrong to complain that he never gets up with the girls? I'm torn between feeling guilty and feeling neglected. He does work and I for the most part don't. When I do work, I still have the girls in the morning before I work and they're handed right back over when I get home at night. Even on the weekend I take care of the girls over night when I have to work and he doesn't. Sometimes I feel so angry I want to scream at him! I even tell him off while he sleeps, luckily he sleeps deeply! I think he could do a little more, maybe just on the weekends, but I know it won't happen.

So that leads me to this weekend, I'm working a crap shift tomorrow so I can try and make up for not being able to work Saturday. DH has a bar mitzvah and I couldn't find a sitter so I had to take myself off the schedule. I'm going to a bull roast that night and feel horribly guilty leaving him with the girls while I go out. I really wanted us to go as a family but DH was uninterested as usual. So I'll try to enjoy myself for a few hours. I'm sure I'll feel awkward and annoyed with all the questions about the babies and end up leaving early. It seems like almost ever weekend he has something to do, I'm trying to convince myself it's just the time of year and things will settle down. I'm hoping to convince the boss man to get me an early shift Sunday. The turn around that night will be killer but I would love to take the girls to the Drive-In and see Where the Wild Things Are. DH has promised to take me to a drive in for the last 2 years or so and I'm tired of waiting for him. This wasn't suppose to be an I-hate-DH-post!!

So I have decided to take advantage of my mother tomorrow. I feel bad doing so. I'm dropping the girls off at the regular time so I can come home and clean. Hopefully I will still have the motivation. Then off to work and back home to my family. I need to write out this new schedule I'm trying with the girls so DH can continue it. I'm tired of always finding the girls in the pack-n-play when I get home, it makes me worry. Everything makes me worry. Alright, 12:15. Feed them and put them back down and **everything crossed** 5 hours of sleep for this mama!

Clean-Up At The Totswap!

Clothes, bottles, and baskets-oh my! The best part-mom paid for it all! Had I known in advance I would have picked up more! The totswap was a success and mother wants to go back in the spring which I am game for, especially if she is paying again! I ended up getting a few outfits, two pairs of shoes, some bottles, some soft blocks and toys, BOOKS!, baskets and mother found herself some clothes for the girls to keep at her house, a swing, a shoe rack, and some other odds and ends! There was a tupperware vendor and mother ran over, literally ran with Claire strapped to her, at the sight of the shape-o. She was exclaiming to the sales lady that I had one when I was little and how the girls needed one. So the lady asked which one she wanted and mother bubbled over because she though she had to order it and wait. Ours is green and yellow with orange blocks. While I'm excited to have it, I know the girls have AWHILE to go before they can actually play with but I'm glad it brought mother joy. While we were waiting in line we decided that mother would pay for everything and I'd pay her back when we got back to the car to save time. When we got to the car all she wanted was lunch and $20! AWESOME! Someone remind me how happy I am now when I'm bitching about how much money she dropped on my sister in the future!

Yesterday while I wasn't working at work my phone reminded me that the girls have another appointment on the 30th. More shots. Why am I so worried about shots? I go back and forth inside my head till I'm sick! I don't want any ill effects but I know that this is the only way to protect them from horrible childhood diseases. I think that they don't need so many vaccines. I think diseases have their place in nature and that nature shouldn't be too fooled around with. What's wrong with not so horrible diseases like chicken pox? Yes you can die from it, but usually not and with modern medicine almost certainly not. Mother was harping on vaccines concerned that I wouldn't get the rest of the girls' vaccinations. I asked her if she was vaccinated and she replied that when someone got sick, everyone came over to get sick with them and that was their form of vaccination! Now I don't want my kids to get polio but what's wrong with chicken pox? I try and talk to DH and express my opinions, which are poorly formed I know, but he just leaves everything up to me! I think I said I wasn't going to vaccinate them at all and just home school them and turn our house into a bubble he might have a thing or two to say, but I'd have to go to extremes to get the man to speak! I just think that they are so small and under developed, they don't need to be bombarded with micro-doses of dead viruses! And I especially hate the government telling me I have to but that's another post!

So to keep or cancel the appointment, that is the question!

I need a sack of money and a new couch, but other than that life is good. I'm hoping that we can get away again soon! I would love to skip Turkey Day but something tells me that we might be moving to the every other holiday system unless my Aunt in Falls Church stops hosting events and we leave it all to my cousin. Taking a minute to pause...I'm glad these are my major problems!

I'll leave you with a picture of the girls, they are getting hefty!

Oh, Turkey Day...

So the division of holidays has begun. It's nothing new, but now it has meaning. There are babies involved, babies everyone wants to see. As my SIL put it, "we want to fight for you too", and by you she means babies. She's fighting my Aunt. They both live an hour and 15 minutes away, in opposite directions.

My SIL is the better cook and will have the better meal, and I'd love to see the in-laws. However SIL's husband's family is usually there and sometimes the mood is quiet and awkward, although I'm sure babies will cut through that.

My Aunt's will be much more lively, more people. Probably more food of a different variety. Seating will be an issue and everyone getting along is never a guarantee. My cousin will be announcing her pregnancy so that will be fun. We also draw names for the christmas gift exchange and I'm dying for some of my Aunt's pickles.

I'm just not sure how to handle holidays. If it weren't for the girls DH and I would be at the beach chowing down on some Cracker Barrel-which is still a viable option. I don't know why this is such a big deal for me. What do you do for the holidays??

Totswapt

I should be working on a pair of pants, and some new shoes for the girls. I need to go down and make the evening bottles and figure out where this funky smell in my bedroom is coming from but instead lets talk about the totswap!! I invited mother to go to this totswap with me and it is turning out to be the best idea that I ever had!!! Now mother and I are not affectionate at all. We're more along the lines of coworkers in terms of our relationship, maybe close neighbors. However she has taken this grandma thing to new levels in terms of shopping. My mother has always been cheap-not frugal or thrifty but down right cheap! Now that the girls are here, she suddenly has all this money to buy them things. Did I mention she was to be laid off on Halloween? That didn't stop her! Luckily she found another job.

So Friday we're going to the totswap, basically this giant consignment sale at the state fair grounds (MD) and they have vendors there as well. My musts list include new diaper covers and maybe some new diapers if I can find a deal and a new wet bag if I can find a deal. All the consignment stuff is just gravy. Today went we visited dear mother she was dancing around the house with Claire singing to her about going shopping and spending all of Poppy's money! She even sang about buying me things!! It turns out that Friday my father is getting an uber paycheck for work crazy hours at work, I think it was 65, and she is getting her severance package, and she can take her christmas club money out. So I think I need to make a list of everything the girls will need for the next YEAR and pull my "I'd love to buy this for them but I just don't have the money" and see what I can get.

Does that sound awful?? I think of it as reimbursement for everything I was denied that my sister received. I'm bitter but only to the benefit of my children. I'm so excited I don't mind if she brings the she-beast along. The sister creature is have her tonsils out and all the drama might be a bit much for me to handle but again I stress the fact that my mother could potentially be spending large sums of money on my children, I may have to suck it up and be a big girl!

So ladies of blogland....what is everything twins will need from 3-18 months? Don't skimp, these are my babies!

Halloween

No we didn't dress up. No we didn't go trick-or-treating. But yes we did make our now annual diner trip. We're diner rats.

Shirt were the extent of holiday festivities in this house. People at work kept asking if we were dressing them up and taking them out. Why would I take a 3 month old out?? First of all, it's too cold and it was rainy. Secondly, they're just weeks old. I wasn't going to drop dollars on some super cute costumes that no one would see or be one of the asses that take their baby out so they can get a goodie bag. That can wait, I have the rest of their childhood to steal their candy!!! There was a woman at work who was taking her 5 month old grandson out. Are you kidding me? IT'S COLD, WET, and FLU SEASON!

Instead we were our shirts. My mother bought these back in August and luckily I remembered. I'm sure that she'll be asking to see the pictures from halloween in hopes I forgot and she can go on a small woe-is-me-I-try-so-hard-but-no-one-sees shpeal.

I think our last trick-or-treat rolled through around 6:30 bringing our grand total to 7 maybe? The first 5 or so being from the same family down the street that DH taught. So looks like I can pack a few more pounds on to these thighs with the leftovers!!! We were both starting to drift around 8 because we've turned into old people so I brought up the diner! The diner is our go-to, our feel-good place. Last year we went on halloween and discussed our then upcoming IVF cycle. It turns out we're regulars! The wait staff was coming by to see the babies. They were surprised they were ours, and didn't remember me being pregnant. Well that was because I was stuck in bed for 4 months but I let that part slide. Maybe we'll start getting free food?? HA! Or maybe when the girls are old enough I can let them ham it up!

Off for some breakfast! Thanks to my ladies for another 6-hour night!!!!

Thank You Ladies!!!

Two nights, 6 hours a piece! That means that I had six whole hours of bubbery-free time to myself. Granted I was sleeping most of those hours, and loving every minute of it, but it's nice to **think** we **might** be starting to sleep longer at night! YAY!!! I'm not letting my hopes get insanely high but they are starting to creep up.

I'm afraid that yesterday might have been too much for them. My mother watched them at her house since she was going to have them for my entire shift. Apparently they fussed just about all day. Fuss, feed, nap, fuss, feed, nap. Sometimes the naps were just cat naps for 20 minutes but mom handled it just fine. She's moderately obsessed with my girls-who wouldn't be. She even had time to prepare and serve food to The Devil after her grueling 6 hour shift of cashiering. Apparently the Devil loves babies, till they start acting like babies. She's not a fan of crying, fussing, or general hubbubbery. I was fairly appauled to show up and find my babies in their car seats in front of the T.V.! Babies do not need to watch T.V. let along watch crime dramas! I've twice asked that she not put them in front of the T.V. which is much easier to control in my house. I feel somewhat stuck because I need them to watch the girls and re assure myself that a few hours isn't going to turn their brains to mush. I guess I'll have to see how Dad is with them since Mom won't be watching them anymore when she starts her new job. I have a feeling that he will actually play with them. I noticed that he turns the sound way down. They always have a T.V. playing in that house for background noise. That explains why in a family of 3 there are 6-7 televisions!

Take a look at those bad boys! Mine grow like crazy compliments of the vitamins but what is the reason behind these? They were long! And as always were so much fun to cut! That is one thing that I will like about the girls getting bigger, I won't worry about cutting their fingers off so much!

I think we're headed to the grocery store, we have a house full of food but nothing to eat! Time for cookies, cakes and all things bad!

I guess they are starting to look alike, I think it just might be the pictures. Claire's eyes are usually open wider.

So I came on to post about my failed attempt to get the girls on a schedule, talk about my baby blues and post the pics from our bath. However we're going to go of topic for a moment...

I sit online most of the day, well not glued to the box but it's on and I chat with my cousin while I take care of the girls and the house. I don't think I could survive without the laptop! So today we're chatting and there has been an on-going saga at her work with one of her co-workers. She was sick, and sicker and finally left to go to the ER to find out she was pregnant. Where most people would be delighted with such news she was just tired of being sick. Understandable, no one likes being sick. Well this morning at work she is sick, and not taking her zofran because it makes her sleepy. So she exclaims that if this sickness doesn't disappear she's "going to the clinic" which in fertile land is definitely not the RE! This disgusted me! So much so that I suggested my cousin push her down a flight of stairs and break her neck. Some people (**Ahem-all of us**) struggle for YEARS and pay mega dollars to get prego and it accidentally happens to you because you're too lazy to prevent it and now that it has happened you're indifferent and willing to just get rid of it because you don't want to be sick! WHAT THE FUCK! It's not like this is a new experience because apparently she has a child already. So of course I picked up my girls and told them countless times they are the best babies in the world and I love them to death. Some people, some people! How can you be so selfish!

Stepping down.

So back to the regularly schedule program. The pictures are from our bath this morning. Emma is on the right and Claire on the left. Claire's hands are always open and moving around. Sometimes she's clasping them together or fidgeting with her fingers, it's too cute! This time she didn't bring her own "water" to the party thankfully, she started getting into the habit and I hate pee in the water! Miss Emma actually liked her bath and was all smiles. I love that they both smile now! We are starting to get coos and squeals! How exciting!

You would think that this would be enough to keep my spirits up but I feel myself being very down lately. I wouldn't call it post partum, but I'm definitely down. I sleep all morning, only getting up to get the babies and bring them back to bed with me. Sometimes when I'm really down and they are fussing I just stare at them. Then when I'm better I feel horrible about not tending to them and that takes me back down. Sometimes I just feel overwhelmed but there are those other times where it's as if I'm paralyzed emotionally. I just look at them and don't understand why they are crying or why they are here. I wake up every morning amazed that they are still here and it's not a dream. I keep thinking about this quote from some packet the hospital sent home with us- "With twins the highs are so high and the lows are so low" - so is the normal? Am I blowing it out of proportion? I'm not "off-the-deep-end-having-thoughts-about-harming-the-babies" sad, I just feel very disconnected sometimes. I'm not a fan to say the least!

As for their schedule, I think I've trashed that idea. It's been shelved. I think it's safer to work on a loose schedule first and focus on keeping them up in the early evening so they'll sleep! I think I kept them up too much during the day. So they are running the show for the most part today. I am going to try to keep a diary of what they're doing to find out their rythms. Maybe we'll try a schedule in a few weeks. No need to rush them, my house work can wait!

P.S.

Lisa from Philips Quads-I've missed you! I've been dying to know how everything when and how the kiddies are!

I have feelings

I'm not the stoic devil my coworkers claim. I think I realized that myself this week. I'm not sure why but this past week was filled with a lot of firsts. Not all entirely good either.

We went away for the first time with the girls and it was a major success! We came home with as many babies as we left with and a boat load of new spring clothes! However this trip also brought the realization that life is now different and there is no R&R for mommies. I really thought for some strange reason, that DH would be up helping me or even possibly take over for a night! HA! He was zonked from driving and the weather-because only we go to the beach during a noreaster!

So that left me pretty upset over the weekend but I tried not to let it show. I don't know what I was thinking.

The girls were pretty fussy and we came home to a bout of thrush. A week later and it's still not completely gone. I feel like a GREAT MOM! I have meds but I only remember to give them to them half the time. I didn't even give Claire the meds because the Dr said it was a mild case and it would clear up on its own. Well it hasn't and now it's spread to her bottom!

I could go on for hours. There is so much for me to catch up on. But starting last week the girls are up and awake for longer periods of time and I think it's time for another reading of Polar Bear, Polar Bear!

Sometimes..

..I get overwhelmed.

Babycenter

I registered at babycenter and I get these little emails with updates and tips about babies. Well today it had sample schedules for 3 month olds. So I browsed. Now I feel like a horrible mother who doesn't do enough with her kids! Granted these schedules were for singletons and said nothing about pumping so I'm trying to not be too hard on myself.

So I ask you all....

What is your typical day like?

I Can't Wake Them

The girls last ate at 8:30 and here it is 1:45. I should really wake them to eat so I can go to bed but I would rather listen to them breath. Never have I heard a sweeter sound!

Tomorrow we leave and I can't wait. I think I have everything listed that needs to be taken care of. I stayed up till 1 doing so and would have stayed up longer but my other set of girls were rather...ah hem...FULL! I'm am totally terrified that this will go poorly. This morning mother all but assured me it would. "You know it's suppose to rain all weekend with highs in the 50's" she says in her condescending motherly tone. Have bunting and bjorn-will travel!

However mother redeemed herself swiftly. This morning at 9 a.m. I received text asking my color preference for bumbos! We only got one, in yellow, and it's actually a bebe because she felt it was safer. All I could think was the strap holds them in the seat, it doesn't stop it from tipping...but hey I'm not complaining! Since Thursday are usually her day with the girls I invited her out with us. She's been down since finding out she'll be laid off and I knew this would brighten her day a bit. Luckily for us there is an Old.Navy next to the craft store. I asked if she minded if I popped in. I started out with a few things for the girls then started winnowing my selections. She picked up everything I put back and bought double what I did! The girls practically have a 6-12 month wardrobe now! Gotta love the clearance racks! I hope to make some shoes before we leave tomorrow but DH is thinking about leaving early so maybe not. At this point we are so close to be down at the shore I'm willing to let everything go!

Wish us luck this weekend!

How Long? Help!

A question to all the blogosphere mamas....

How long do you try a formula before you decide it's not working out?

We switched from the preemie to regular lipil two day ago and ever since feeds have been decreasing. We're down to 1 and 2 oz. from our regular 4 and 5 oz. feedings. This also means we're eating every 2-3 hours again which is driving me crazy!!! I should also mention that the girls get very little formula so I don't understand why it's have such an impact. Maybe it's something else? They only get 2 oz. in a bottle, the rest is BM. If they don't finish a feed it's fridged till net time and topped off with more BM. I love this extra milk we have but I'd much rather them eat! Thoughts? Suggestions? I don't know whether to stick with this formula or go to straight BM till we get it sorted out? HELP!!

SLOW Cooker and Emma

My slow cooker is just that S-L-O-W! And no I didn't cook Emma! I think I'll give it a break though, it was by grandmothers! It's a cute old thing with flowers on the sides. If I had to guess I'd say it was from the 60's?? It has a white glass insert that fits into the metal shell that heats up and a glass lid. I only checked on my roast a handful of times and thought by 6 p.m. it'd be ready. That would have been 6 hours of high heat cooking for a 3 lb. roast. No dice. It took another 2 hours. Then I left the glass insert full of roast and veggies out on the counter to cool because I thought for sure it's shatter if I took it straight to the fridge! After I saw it wasn't ready, we made it a BK night. The upside is dinner is already made for tomorrow which means I can spend the day shopping with my mother doing laundry and cleaning the house so we can leave for vacation.

Tonight I sent this picture to my father.

He couldn't figure out that they were propped up with pillows in a chair. Which led me into "Claire really likes to sit up and needs a bum.bo." The ever doting poppy followed up with inquiries on what it was and where to find one. Soooo....I am hoping I just scored us a bum.bo! There is a very tiny part of me that feels guilty, but not really. I'm not asking for a new computer, or tires of my car, or anything like that like a certain sibling of mine does!!

Now on to Emma. All day she has been fussy and was taking only an ounce or so at a time, every two hours. I wasn't happy she wasn't eating, and I wasn't thrilled to have my scheduled disturbed. I refuse to let them run the show(ha!) while I still have to hold bottles! So DH is really good at getting her to eat, she is such a Daddy's Girl, and he tried to get the last bit of a bottle into her. Then the roar came. Our explosive little girl hit again! Projectile spit up, milk all over DH and my freshly made bed! She couldn't have done this a hour before hand! I'm hoping it's the change in formula and she just needs time to adjust. Claire has shown no problems. They only get a little formula in their bottles. I don't pump enough to fill them up. Maybe I'll just do BM.

Well I must run. The dog just threw-up, on the covers on DH. I caught most of it with a towel that we used to clean up Emma's throw up! This comforter is toast! I'll pick up a new one tomorrow! DH just rolled over to go back to sleep! This man can sleep through anything!!!

Longest Diaper Change EVER

For Claire that is. After her morning feed I went in with the intent for a quick change. Diaper off-cue the pee. Lovely. So That diaper is now wet and I use it to mop up the remains. She peed up onto herself and it dripped down onto her sleeper so a change of clothes were in order. I reach over and get new clothes, pop my head out the door and yell down to Emma that we'll be right back. Not that she really cares but it's nice to talk to someone during the day! By the time I get back to dear Claire she has spit up on the clean clothes sitting next to her! GREAT! So I reach over for another set of clothes and come back to ANOTHER FOUNTAIN OF PEE! So with new clothes in hand I grab a new diaper and cover, throw Claire over my shoulder and trudge over to the crib to clean her and put a diaper on as fast as I can. Then I proceed to start dressing her and CATCH her spitting up. I rolled her over to save her clothes but get the crib sheets dirty in the process. Changing one diaper just made a load of laundry!

Hopefully this isn't a sign of my day to come. I need to get this house together before we leave for the shore. So much laundry to be done, and I have to make sure I wash the new clothes the girls got from one of DH's co-workers. I think they'll wear them one of the days in hopes to get that family picture I've been wanting. Of course ACMOORE is having a killer sale and all I want to do is shop today! Especially since the techno coming from next door is aggravating me to no end. It's bad enough I have to hear you bitching about money till 2 a.m. - they are the most unhappy couple ever. The fight over ever dime and now with him being unemployed their arguments are escalating. But shouldn't he be catching up on sleep at 9 a.m. and not blasting this techno crap?

After our mini vacation I fully intend to make regular use of the wii Fit. I really need to. This flub is not working for me and I think it's been long enough now that my dream of it all melting away on it's own isn't going to come true. I just hope the girls will cooperate because I'd really like to do it in the morning so we can spend time together as a family when DH is home. I've set my goal not at a weight limit because those numbers really don't matter, but at a giggle level. I've never in my life been able to grab a chunk of skin from my belly and I'd like to get back to that. I will settle for something smooth and moderately toned. Or anything that doesn't scream I just had babies! I'd like to fit into 5/6 instead of the 7/8 being loose. I just hope I don't get to sore. I was doing some lifting at work and I could feel the burn and my lower tummy around my scar was sore for a day or two. Fingers cross!!

Ok, time to finally start my day. Sitting in this bed with sleeping dogs and sleeping babies is just putting me back to sleep! Off to start the laundry and my pot roast!!

We're Going

I'm excited, maybe a little crazy too! Who takes 3 month olds on weekend getaways? ME!

I have so many plans and today I worked on letting some of them go. I need to be realistic, they babies and their comfort/needs come first which will obviously interfere with my shopping schedule. That being said, I analyzed (and over analyzed) my shopping lists. I had planned on stocking up on some x-mas presents for the ladies who will be 5 months then but now wonder what I should really buy them. How much will they really need or play with? And how much will they receive from family and will it be wrong of me to limit or regular the girls gifts? I'm not a total tree-hugger but when it comes to my daughters I'm becoming one. I'm finding myself against plastic, made-in-china, takes batteries, has instructions type toys. Simpler is always better. So I'm not sure what to get, what to ask for, or what to expect. Thoughts anyone??

Aside from shopping and good eats, I'm really hoping to get a family picture. We don't have one. 11 weeks, 6 days and 16.5 hours of their existence and not one family picture exists! I'm hoping for us on a bench or ideally out on the beach. As for now, its 1 a.m. and I'm turning in. The girls didn't seem to interested in eating so I may be in for an endless night, how fitting after my never ending day at work and tomorrow which will be more of the same! Why do I work?? Next Friday can't come fast enough!

Drizzle

It's been a long few days. Fall is here and I've felt my mood dropping. Seasonal effective-probably not but winter is always long and hard for me. I do love fall however. I wish the girls were a bit older and we could do the pumpkin farm thing. I often find myself torn over doing things with them. They are still so young and small, but they won't be forever. As much as I want them to grow, I want them to stay small more.

So what have I been doing with myself. Maintaining my laziness though creativity. Some times a mama needs to eat, even if it means making the kids work for it!

Necessity is the mother of all invention!

But why couldn't I just wait till they were done eating and fast asleep? What lead me to this? Miss Claire is bottle energy, I can only imagine what she will be like as a toddler! She also knows my every move. Anytime I am near food, she wails.

Example A:
Sometimes the spoon will make it to my lips before she lets out her first shriek! I swear she wants me to starve! Dear sweet Emma will settle herself down, if she is awake at all. Even if she is she is usually quietly taking the world in.

Other than my Claire enforced diet program, not much has been happening around here. Today we have a doctor's appointment for our last shot. I decided to break them up and still feel better about it, even if it doesn't matter. It is of course drizzling, it is always raining when I take the girls by myself. I swear they know when they are going too. They thwart all my attempts to move their feedings! I had them set up to feed at 3:30 a.m. and 7:30 a.m. so we could have time to get ready, head out and make our 9 a.m. appointment without the fussies. Well last night they choose to sleep, which I am NOT complaining about! 3:30 a.m and 7:30 a.m. have turned to- you guessed it!- 5 a.m. and 9 a.m.! So we will again be fuss pots at the doctors, then get shots and be even fussier! I'll feed them in the car and hopefully they'll eat without a fight. Emma has a tendency to not eat during the day when her Daddy is at work. She'll chug it down for him, me-not so much. We'll come back home where I'll hopefully be able to eat!! Throw some clothes in the wash and settle in for a nap after our lunches. I have always been one to value my sleep and I used to get a strong 8-11 hours a night so this new torture of 4.5 hours, which is more than I had in the beginning, still isn't cutting it!

I also have to call and make reservations. When I attempt to make them online with two children it says the rooms exceed maximum capacity. We need a king bed. We are headed home to the shore with the girls. This will be our first stay with them and I'm planning on it going well. All week my mind has been racing with plans and what-if scenarios. I want no surprises, just peace and relaxation! Next weekend can't come soon enough! My big planning issues are bottle washing, scheduling pump time, and the stroller. All self explanatory. I think I'm going to take a basin to wash the bottles in, and possibly my own towels to dry them on. (Note to self: pick up more bottles-thanks Kenton for eating one!) I really don't want to be running back to the hotel every 4 hours to pump, and I don't want to skip pumpings to have to make them up at night. I wish my production weren't so sensitive to change!!! The stroller is a god-send. I swore I wasn't going to get one, then we found out we were having twins. So I picked out a cool and practical stroller, and love it. However it does draw a lot of attention, or maybe it's just the girls (why are people so shocked to see twins? I could understand higher order multiples but twins, really?). It's also long and if it's crowded, and DH hates a crowd, it's a little tricky to maneuver around people. If we go into the outlets, which we will because everyone needs clothes and I think I'm going to start getting the girls some x-mas presents, the stroller will be nearly impossible to use in a store and I hate leaving DH there to rock them. So I scoured e.bay and got a 'new to us' baby.bjorn for DH and planned on taking my wrap. The carrier has extra long straps so it's pretty much solely for him and actually says for small people NOT to use it. However I used it, and loved it. SO I scoured again! Hopefully the second one comes before me leave and I have time to wash it! They are the greatest things ever. What is better is that I got both of them, with shipping for less than half the cost of a new one!! GO ME! So before I get off to find some ill fitting clothes to wear, because I can't allow myself to trek to the doctors in sweats, I'll leave you with my new favorite picture of the girls.

Kreative Blogger Award

Leigh from 1, 2, 3, blog gave me this Kreative Blogger award last week-I'm a bit of a slacker ;)


With this award, comes the rules:

1-Thank the person who nominated you for this award.

2-Copy the logo and place it on your blog.

3-Link to the person who nominated you for this award.

4-Name 7 things about yourself that people may not know.

5-Nominate 7 Kreativ Bloggers.

6-Post links to the 7 blogs you nominate.

7-Leave a comment on each of the blogs letting them know they've been nominated.

So with the rules in place, here are 7 things you may not know about me:

1. I'm a breast feeding, cloth diapering mama who does it to save money, not the environment. The health benefits are just an added bonus! Boob juice and cotton bottoms for all!

2. We spoil our dogs. Orion has to sleep between DH's legs and Kenton has to be tucked in under the covers! This has taught me that even though something is cute when they're little it might not be when they're older-think ahead and plan accordingly! Hear that girls??

3. I secretly hope to get pregnant again, well not so secretly anymore. I would definitely love a house full of kids!

4. I'm disgusted by my belly now, but quite happy with everything else pregnancy has left behind! I don't think my flat washboard tummy is coming back ever, not that I've put forth any effort to make that happen.

5. I'm quite proud of myself for taking care of two babies alone. DH and I made it work in the beginning, no moms, aunts or passerby's came to our rescue-although there were a few times it would have been welcomed!

6. DH and I are moderately obsessed with slower Delaware and can't wait to move! Someone please, please, PLEASE

turn the housing market around!!

7. I often hope for disastrous events. When someone is tailgating or cuts me off in traffic I hope they hit me, I'd love a new car. I see storm damage to the house as a chance to remodel! Please let that tree fall on my house! These are changes I don't often initiate on my own, I like to think up great plans and never follow through with them. I of course hope that no one is injured, unless it is the jerk that can't drive and caused the accident in the first place. I hope you get air bag burns!

Now I'm tagging:

A Few Good Sperm

Hopeful Unicorn

Dancing with Gaia

Dear Little Ones

Inconceivable?!

Just Another Infertile Mother

Auntie Pat

...is coming down today! Out of my aunts ( who are pretty much their own version of the seven dwarfs) she is the eldest and the most thrifty. She's a mad crocheter and canner. Imagine if Macgyver were a homemaker! She offered to come watch the girls today and I'm a little excited about it. I'm not sure why either. She just has that experienced feel about her and I feel totally secure leaving the girls with her. I would choose her over my mother!

My cousin told me she was honored to be asked! I hope she still feels that way when she leaves today :) The girls can be quite a handful sometimes and Claire woke up super fussy! The girls did however sleep for 5 hours straight again which I LOVE LOVE LOVE! So with DH gone this fine Saturday morning I had ever intention to head up to the farmer's market with the girls. It is now however, 9:46 a.m. and I chose to sleep in and snuggle with my ladies. I hate having to work!

Back to your regularly scheduled program...

So DH texted me as we do a million times each day. Only this morning it read

"Daddo might be sick"

Never in a million year would I have thought I would be so worried over a little cold. He even apologized to me for getting sick, as if I thought he went out and rubbed himself all over a sick person or something! I'm not quite sure what a cold means for us. I'm not too worried. If he's a sneezing, blubbering fool I'll lock him in the basement He said right now it's a sore throat and runny nose which we can handle. He is sucking back fluids and tonight I'll probably go out and get him some vitamin C and OJ.

Am I afraid the girls will get sick, no. People get sick, it happens all the time. Am I worried about RSV-of course! I have 10 week old twins who were born 7 weeks early! I think my biggest fear is hospitalization which would be highly possible if we contracted RSV. Being that they are always together, I'd most likely have two sick and hospitalized babies. We checked with our Dr. early on and she said that we could count on at least one of them getting sick. They were ineligible for the RSV vaccine which is given to babies born after August (which we missed by 10 days) and earlier than 33 weeks( which is exactly when they were born). There is no consideration taken for twins and our Dr felt that they should have had it. :(

Oh well. Nothing I can do about that. Lots of hand washing going on here. I would love to install a dispenser of avagard on the front porch like they have hanging outside all the NICU rooms in the hospital! I'll save the decontamination suits and incinerators till winter-LOL.

How does everyone protect/plan on protecting their kids? DH is a teacher and no amount of hand washing is going to prevent him from bring home god only knows what from that cesspool of germy children! I'm sure I'm headed into a winter of one bug after another, I'd just really like to stay away from flus, virsus and anything that increases diaper output!

The Devil

So yes, my sister is the devil. Everyone can understand why you wouldn't want you leave your children anywhere near the devil. Growing up and even now people ensure me that in time she will change and we will be best friends. We've never gotten along-ever. I'm positive that it will stay that way and my heart isn't bleeding over it. I may be bitter and possibly holding a grudge, but in my mind it's well deserved! I know this has nothing to do about me or the girls, but I feel I should defend some comments from other posts by explaining her.

Dear Michelle, she has so many flaws. At four years my junior, she has the maturity of a fifth grader. She has always been very immature which now leads to irresponsibility as an adult. She threw outright, tears streaming down her face, I-hate-you-want-to-die tantrums till just a few years ago. Some might think she might be delayed or have medical issues-nope! I should point out that she is solely a product of my parents where as I was raised more by my grandparents. Seeing how spectacularly she turned out makes me more thankful to be the forgotten child.

I think I am so bitter towards her because time was made for her. My parents made concerted efforts to be involved with her life where as they had little time for me, even after my grandparents had both passed. My parents went on Michelle's school field trips, made it to her back to school nights and helped her with her homework. She even insisted that my father show up for American Education week when she was in high school. Of course it was only for attention. She knows very well how to play that game. She always insists that spot light be on her and she will go to great lengths to get it-for which I hate her all the more. She is very demanding which is one of her more distasteful qualities. I remember Christmas morning when we were ruffle 3 and 7. I was helping her open her skates. HELPING HER because she was 3 and couldn't possible get the little plastic zip ties off with the scissors. Now that I think about it why was I allowed to use the kitchen scissors at the age? Anyhow, I wasn't fast enough so she clawed me. She took her tiny little talons and ripped down my arm. I still have a very visible scar almost 20 years later! She was always very aggressive and on the attack. Kicking, biting, hitting and her mouth was atrocious. I think I could possibly kill one of my girls if they talked to me the way she talks to my mother.

Things of course got worse as she got older. Her most vicious and unsettling acts include chasing my friends and I from the house with a big kitchen knife and flushing a live hamster down the toilet. Just incase you're curious, hamsters don't fit down toilets. The fact that she got some thrill out of holding it under the water scares me. Can anyone say serial killer? She's insane. My mother swears it's a phase. It's been a phase since she was little. I'm so sick of it. She is spoiled beyond belief and flaunts it. She got a new car I bought myself a used one. I paid for my car, insurance and cell phone. She quit her job. By 17 I had moved out on my own and at 19 she just barely managed to pull it together and finally graduate! To which she was reward with a trip!

I remember mother wanted to hold my shower after the babies were born because she had so much to do with Michelle. She tried to steal the attention at my shower, pouting around. She took it personally that she wasn't allowed in NICU. Even after we found out she was I didn't tell mother. She wants to take the girls out by herself-NEVER! She approached me when they were about a month old and want to take them to her work and show them off-are you crazy?! All Michelle-All the time!

I didn't have half the childhood she had and now that my children are here I found out she is acting out again over the most stupid things. When mom comes over her phone rings constantly, the few times the girls have been at their house she is always up to something. It disgusts me that she is so selfish and lazy, rude and disrespectful, I just really hate her.