Jackpot!

Working early on a Sunday morning, a rare treat for me. I finished my work early and decided to treat myself to some gummy worms for "lunch" at 9:35. Breakfast of champions, this I know. But I was a giddy school girl when I found my bag was comprised of mostly red and clear gummy worms-my favorite!

It's the little surprises sometimes.

Time to shuffle papers and walk around looking busy!!

Work Update

I should be starting my farewell tour.

I should be readying the bonfire for my supplies.

I should have handed in my letter of resignation last week.

Yet here it sits.
As decided as I was, and still am, about quitting, there's just something about doing it.
This all sounds ridiculous, and I'm tired of dragging it out. But there are just things in the way. We are currently short handed, and in the midst of trying to hire people to fill at least 5, possibly 7 vacancies. That doesn't include mine, and that doesn't include the only other person who does my job! Bossman is trying to rid himself of the lead and although none of this is technically my problem, I feel bad leaving him in this position. Bossman is a friend, and although he supports me going he hates to see me leave.

His suggestion was to drop to limited and only work 2 days a week. As if my 3 days wasn't pathetic enough! So I think I will stay the month of July as limited and then resign. It will give me an extra day to futz around the house. I can get things done and go to the beach. I won't feel so horrible about leaving at such a bad time, and I still retain my seniority! HA!

That place is for the birds!

The Way The Wind Blows

We can only grow the way the wind blows, or so the song goes. But what if you can change the wind, or harness it? I've been wandering how much of my life I really control.

Today's I'm looking for assvice, perspective, thoughts, questions, and concerns. This is life altering. This is big stuff. I can't mess this up!

To work or not to work?

Prior to the ladies entering our life, I worked like a dog. Roughly 46.5 hours a week, if I took my lunches and only stayed my scheduled time. I also went to school full time for something totally unrelated. Grocery store life will suck you in and it's certainly not the field I want to stay in. It's far from a glamourous job. I cook. I plan menus. I order food. I try to be innovative and sell product. That's grocery life. I was being groomed for true management. Fast forward to my return from maternity leave, I work 20 hours a week-if that. I stepped down from my position, gleefully. I still do the same things, just not nearly as much or as often. I am no longer in control. I am however, expected to maintain control. I am expected to act like a manager, to handle business like a manager. I am a professional baby sitter to 30 other adults. I don't get the salary that comes with it.

In addition to my job, I am expected to supervise another department. I am also suppose to pick up the slack from the woman who does my old job and doesn't keep up. Since she can't keep up, I am the one who reports to my manager about the department. This is all part of the job description that I no longer have. Yet this is what is expected of me, this is what I do because no one else will, this is my problem. My manager is my friend, but he takes advantage of me. Just yesterday I was berating him about his underperformance in handling various situations. To top that off, the store manager came to me to discuss my manager's poor scheduling and performance. Really? Not my job friends!

Any ordinary person would just toss out their two weeks and be gone. But I can't. How do you quit a job? What would I be then? Granted this is far from a dream job or even something I'm trained for, but it does allow me to contribute to the household. Without it, I am just a SAHM. Is that bad thing? Is that what I really want? I'm not sure.

Yes I would love to not have to work, at least right now. I want to stay at home and drink up the ladies. To play and have fun, learn, nurture, grow-ALL THAT JAZZ! We can even make it swing on a teacher's salary! However, because there is always a however, we wouldn't be able to live this life. This life meaning $100 Hellmart trips, weekend vacations, and frequent meals out. I'd have to be more conscious with money. No more buying things just because they're on clearance, fewer get aways, and certainly no eating out 2-3 a week. It would also delay plans for buying a new car, but I suppose I could buy used to save some $$$. It could and most likely would delay moving. It would be a life style change. I most certainly wouldn't be comfortable buying things for myself. I wouldn't have any money. I couldn't buy as I please. It just wouldn't feel right. It's essentially what is happening now, but at least now I can say that I bring in a few hundred every week to justify my purchases.

I don't want to be a freeloader. I don't want people think I live some plush life. I certainly do not. We live comfortably. I don't want to jeopardize that. I worry that something may happen. Something always happens. If something costs thousands, we'll be S.O.L. Savings can only carry you so far, and without a second income it will be hard to replenish. There is the issue of DH being a teacher, and teacher's don't work in the summer. We save during the year to carry us through, but what if we don't save enough? What if's are eating me alive at the moment. I think what worries me most is DH hating me. What if he doesn't like things after I quit? What if he doesn't want to bare the full burden? What if he is jealous or resents me for getting to stay home?

That being said, he fully supports me staying home. He has wanted it for me. He thinks that me working is too stressfully, and it certainly is for such little benefit. The other night he said it would be well worth it to lose eating out to have a happy wife. :) Sure I'll lose my employer matched 401k benefits and my extra health, vision, and dental benefits, but I'll gain my family and a stress free life. I feel like I can handle family stress much easier if I wasn't fretting over who's going to cover Tracey's shift, or pondering if I will have enough help in the department. Apparently I'm rather pleasant when work is off my mind.

We can only grow the way the wind blows, so I'm anxious to see what everyone has to blow my way!

Weekend Off!!

Today we celebrated HAM's birthday. It never ceases to amaze me how fast a year can pass. Such a wonderful day for a party too. My cousin kept it light and simple and I will try, with every fiber of my being, to do the same for our second birthday. Our second birthday that fall in 6 weeks and I've done absolutely no planning for! I mean it's all up in my head, but there's a lot floating around up there!

NEWS FLASH

I took the weekend off!

I love it! I'm ready to quit work. This is great! So much was done around the house. We went to a party, hit up the grandparents, went out to eat, took care of the lawn, and hit the store! AND IT'S ONLY SATURDAY! I feel so productive!

And since DH is probably reading this at an ungodly early hour Sunday morning...

SURPRISE!

I don't work today either! We're going to the beach after breakfast and baths! So get to cooking those sausages!!

I'm hoping a nice relaxing day at the beach will do us all some good. Sit on the beach with some books, walk around, get some pizza, browse some stores, a walk through the park. I'm tingly just thinking about it!!

Hope everyone enjoys their Sunday!

The GP

I'm sure you trust your parents with your kids, in theory they managed to keep you alive till adulthood so they should have an handle on baby wrangling-right?

I'll throw mother a few bones...

• She never had two babies at once and that can be a little tricky, especially when they tag-team you.
• She's never really had to care for two kids at the same time regardless of age.
• She isn't very maternal, never had been.
• She didn't really raise me, and well, we see the wonderfulness that she produced with my sister-REAL WINNER!

That being said, as an adult I like to think that other adult(more so those with adult children) have a clue, have purchased a clue, or could at least borrow a cup of clue from the neighbor. Yesterday was one of those off days that happen on occasion. DH was working late and I was working late and had to hit the grocery store after work or we have starved. I left the children with mother after a very confusing car swap I'm still not sure how my father made it home but I know his fat ass didn't walk the entire mile and a half home. Mother had the children from 2:30p.m. to just before 9p.m. which is just over 6 hours. What could possibly go wrong in 6 hours?

Mwhahaha!

I checked in on them twice with no response. She finally responds at 6 to tell me she turned her phone off to charge it. Who in the hell turns their phone off ever? I mean I set it to silent to ignore the world but I like to see who missed me while I was gone. She also tells me that the girls are napping. WTF???????? Who lets a child nap at 6 oclock?! WHO!

Play with them, give them sugar, poke them with sticks but do not let them sleep!

Really? Maybe she's trying to kill me... Then I found out that they merely picked at dinner, which they always do for her, a dinner of hamburger helper and strawberry apple sauce. GRRRRRRRREAT! I'm amazed I survived at this point! When I arrived I was greeted by a zombie and a child who had passed exhaustion to the point of giggles and grins. One was in a food covered outfit, the other in a new outfit. Both still trotting around in their shoes which mother will not let them take off. I guess I should take solace in the fact they had fresh diapers on?

Nonetheless I'm happy to have free child care whenever I need it and luckily they are starting to like and get excited when they see her. So that's a step in the right direction. I guess the other stuff is small, slightly rotten potatoes and I'll survive. But in all seriousness, will I lose my parenting touch when I have grandkids of my own? Do you forget? I'd like to think that I am not so old that they have completely changed the parenting manuals...

I'm Back!!!

Ask me where I've been? I know you're dying to find out!

No where!

The stupid dog decided to partake of my milk and cookies! In the process he spilled an entire glass of chocolate milk on my open laptop. **SIZZLE** Goodbye mac.book, you've served me well. We've now been through 3 mac.books in as many years thanks to man's best friend.

We haven't gotten a replacement yet, but my parents have offered us "that laptop" that they have. Because my parents are turning into my grandparents and are slowly starting to accumulate two of everything. This wonderful machine is a D.ell Latitude with W.indows 2000 prefessional, it runs 24 bit color and has a 10" screen. Yeah, I'm the epitome of cool.

Other than that...

I have a daughter pooping out lincoln logs that would bring a tear to my eye.
I think I have ring worm-how the hell do you get that?
My basement flooded horribly with the storms that rolled through Maryland and I'm pretty sure the insurance won't cover anything. On a positive note-my sub pump works!
My parents' roof came loose and rolled off.


Hope everyone has a relaxing weeking. I get to rip up wet carpet from the family room in the basement and start packing away stuff on book shelves so I can start to dismantle and discard them. JOY!

School Buses On The Road

Hip-hip HOORAY!

The hubs is back at school and the money is soon to be rolling in! I love back to school, that means that fall is soon to be here. Crisp days, pretty colors and good food! I would love to totally quit my job for the fall so we could spend our weekend doing "family things" outdoors. I think that is the only downfall to my current working/watching situation. The bossman doesn't want me to be limited, or resign for that matter, so I have to work the weekends-every weekend! As happy as I am to get DH out of the house out of my hair back to work, I do miss family time and being out and about. Plus he is a great help, do you have any idea how much diapers stink in the summer?! We also can on the weekends and canning is an all day event. I felt terrible showing up late after work yesterday to find everything finished and cleaned up. I certainly can't go a year without peaches, applesauce, greenbeans, tomato sauce, pumpkin....

How do you spend your weekends?

I'm so torn over the work issue. Having an actual employer makes me feel like I am contributing to the house. Then I find myself feeling guilty over missing family time to work. I always tell myself that I am working to pay off my car, which DH drives since he bought me a new one, and that will be paid off at the end of the year. In theory I could just quit then, but then I would lose all this spending money I would have! Hello! Mama likes to shop!

When is it reasonable to put your family first?

With that being asked/said and out of the way, I am happy to announce my kids are totally normal! They had their first FIGHT today!

Joy.

It was serious business too. The knocked each other down, pulled shirts, grabbed at one another, Claire was smacking the top of Emma's head-it was hilarious! I'm such a bad mom! I couldn't pull myself away from the entertainment to intervene. I just sat back and watched till they settled it themselves and came crawling over. Two hot messes full of tears and wailing! I could do nothing but laugh at them! Emma even managed to pull Claire's shirt half way over her head so when all was over Claire had her arm coming out of the neck hole in her shirt! It was too much!

So what do you do for such behavior in 13 month olds? They don't exactly listen, aren't ready for/don't understand time out and I don't think it warrants corporal punishment. When can we start discipline with them?

What a Week!

I guess it wasn't any longer than usually, no adding days in or anything crazy like that. It was so long and tiring because I was alone! All alone, all day, for 3 days in a row.

DH has his spring concerts and at his large school it takes 3 days for the band and orchestra concerts. That means he left at 6 am and wasn't home till long after the girls were in bed. Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday were so tiring I don't even remember Monday! I did manage to be productive, I think I knew in the back of my mind that if I didn't stay productive I would be over-run by babies.

Tuesday: We went to Virginia. Yes I did take two babies out of state for the day, alone, to have lunch with my Aunt! We went so I could measure her windows, I am making curtains for her sunroom. We left after morning traffic and made it back as it was just starting to begin. I have never made it around 495 so fast! It would have been a lovely trip if Claire hadn't been sick. She had a bit of cold which she has since gifted to Emma. I believe it was a tummy full of snot that made her puke all over my Aunt's floor, then my Aunt. I called to reserve a pavilion at the park for their birthday! Major accomplishment!

Wednesday: I started to scrub the deck after I cleaned it off! Boy was it a mess! We need to build a shed A.S.A.P! It was a busy day of running. Soft and Cozy Baby to pick up more diapers. Dear Emma has discovered you can remove velcro diapers very easily. I put her in snaps exclusively now. Then we went to Sa.ms Club and there was this. WTF?

Now I wouldn't have been so upset over the issue if the man hadn't nearly hit us trying to get in the space, gotten out and look at me and said sorry and walked away. He couldn't even get out of his driver's door and crawled through to the passenger side. Now I was a little close to the line, it looks funny in this pic, but he way to close. How am I suppose to get a baby in on that side? Oh that's right, I carry the baby as I put my ass in the the opposite car seat and throw her across! The I put the other baby in and buckle her in. Load the car and the stroller. Then as I was going to pull the car out to buckle in the first baby, who comes back and speeds off? Jerk! I hope your mini van blows up! Then we skipped the fabric store and headed to my cousins for dinner before DH's concert. I realized I left the BM and baby food in the fridge so I stopped at the grocery store. Got my items and some new spoons. Load the babies back and go to fold the stroller when some nice old woman comes walking up with my stroller. It had rolled down the parking lot and she thought there was a baby in it. Oh the embarrassment. Then we have a lovely dinner with my cousin. The girls got their first taste of watermelon and loved it. I got smacked with a mesh feeder full of watermelon and strawberry and had to change my shirt. My cousin tagged along for the concert which I was so grateful for because sicko Claire showed up again and as we were finishing feeding them Claire projectile vomits during a performance. Mother of the Year here decided to leave the diaper bag in the car because we weren't going to be there that long....ugh. So I haul-ass with a milk covered baby to get the diaper bag. We all clean off, because Claire got us all with a little of her dinner. Emma got a little fussy so we finished listening outside the hall. We go in to talk to DH and Claire does it again, only this time I roll her away. I immediately leave and have to pull over on a busy highway to attend to Claire who for the third time has vomited, in her sleep, in her car seat. I was happy to get home.

Thursday: I finally made it to the fabric store. I picked out fabric for sun-hats and found this super cute fabric to make some dresses from, I just need a coupon! I cleaned the pool cover off but I'm afraid to uncover it and look inside. It wasn't touched last season as I was on bedrest with the girls. I'm afraid a swamp monster is going to pop it's head out. The charger to my computer died so instead of a trip to the park as I had promised we went to the mall. I'm so glad Apple has stores now! We then had some al fresco dining on the front porch. Claire just kept eating and eating, bite after bite for an hour! After a few bites Emma was done so I had to entertain her. She did try to take a step or two as she was standing, scary. I'm not ready for that!

Now it's Friday. I work the next 3.5 days. I work on Mother's Day. But it will pay off in the end as we'll be taking the girls to their first amusement park Saturday! I'm not sure how much they'll enjoy it but it will be so nice to get out of the house and do something as a family! I really think I am done with work. I am so tired of working weekends and missing all the family events! Bossman complains when I want the weekends off, as I don't work during the week. I see his point but I really don't care. In the 6 months I was gone he trained no one to take my place and wants me to work more. They are just getting along with out me and I am tired of pickup a weeks worth of mess when I come in on Fridays! It's so not worth it. I'm not sure how much I will work during the summer, especially with business being down. I don't want to miss all the fun family time with the girls!

Next week's agenda is party planning, I need some ideas! I need to get going or it will be July and all I'll have is an empty pavilion! What do you for a first birthday party? Thoughts? Anyone? Someone? Help!

Sunday [Not So Fun Working] Funday

So I stole this Unexplained X2 who stole it from Discovering Wildlife who played along with MannLand. Got it? I needed a way to settle down from work before bed while a certain DH and a pile of dogs over take my bed.

1. How often do you wash/change your sheets?

At least once a week. Gross. We have two behemoth dogs that share the bed (Kenton insists on being under the covers-WTF!) and no matter what I do there is always dog hair or dirt or other unmentionables. I definitely know it's time to change the sheets when they are licking their own funk off the sheets!

2. When is your birthday?

March 9, which I shared with the chinless wonder Steph M, the bratty Steph S and Bobby Fischer. I just found out Amerigo Vespucci too! It also happens to be the day Notorious B.I.G. died.

3. Have you ever met a bloggy friend in real life?

Nope. Never. I would kirk and bail. I am not a very social person although I can totally play the part when needed. I'd much rather never leave my house. But I love to go out. Hence I pass 3 Wally World to go to the one that is always vacant. People are way to curious about twins.

4. Brad Pitt or George Clooney?

Hmm...I'd say Clooney because my girls would have to split the money with way too many kids if I picked Pitt. Haha. And I have a thing for older men that are rockin' the salt-n-pepa!

5. If you could change one thing about your body what would it be?

You know when you need to feed the babies and your boobs get ROCK HARD? I'd make that my tummy again! Seriously, this bowl full of cookies, cakes, candies, and way to much whole milk is doing me in.

6. How often do you wash your hair?

Really? I've read 4 people's response and I'm the first one to say everyday. I have horrible thin, baby fine hair. No lie. It's baby hair. So wispy and super fly. It turns to a grease pit every 12 hours.

7. Do you have pets?

Boy do I! Let's start...2 behemoth dogs, a bag of bones cat, a small school of fish, several dust bunnies and a husband. Do the children count? I have to feed them and clean up their shit too. Only they don't make half the mess of the others.

8. How many social networks do you belong to..if you had to give up one, what would it be?

How many are there? I only have my fb account and this here blog. I can not tweet, don't see the point. Although now that I have fb mobile and I'm getting a new phone [been working my way up to actually going to the store to pick out a phone-baby steps!] I could potentially use fb like twitter.

So work was not so fun. Grocery shopping in the morning. Do I have the energy to run to Sam's? Does anyone want to go with? My shortness makes getting a car seat into a shopping cart hilarious! How do you/did you shop with two babies? I can't wait till they can sit-at least one of them.

Not Folding Laundry

Which is exactly what I should be doing! I finally got the girls to take a nap! The two weeks with Daddy home really messed with our schedule, we turned into a family of bums! But I just had to get on and vent.

So it turns out I really hate my job. Something about being home all the time now makes me really not want to go. I only work 2 full days and 2 half days. Those two half days are killer! I really don't bring in much but it's enough to make sure we scrape by. I would love to find something to do at home, or hit the lottery. But that would require me to play, which requires money, which requires working...which I don't want to do! I still really enjoy a lot about my job, I like to cook. I love to clean. I am not such a fan of people, I hate following rules and directions. I can cook in my own kitchen and be far more happy-only my patrons aren't paying at home!

What I want to know is how do you SAHM make it work? If I had been able to work through my pregnancy I would most likely been able to stay at home. Of course I wasn't so instead of paying off the debt we had, I made a lot more. Here is Maryland teachers aren't paid during the summer so we use our tax return and savings to survive during the summer when DH isn't working.

I'm really torn about what to do this summer. I want to work my butt off so I can flat out quit come fall. Working sounds soo horrible and I'll miss the girls terribly. Plus I want to keep pumping till they are at least a year and work makes that difficult, unless I invest in the car adaptor for my pump. Then there is the issue of the beach. We are at the beach all the time and if I am working like a dog, I can't make that happen. Family time will always win. There is also part of me that thinks it's only fair I work two months during the summer while DH is off since he works the other 10 months and misses out on so much. Thoughts? Suggestions? HELP!

Back to the laundry monster!

11:51 p.m.

I'm sleepy. Very sleepy. A little hungry. A little sad. Very excited. Somewhat confused. A tad angry and a good bit carefree. I'm all over the map right now. Rebecca, I'm following your lead-censorship has set sail from this blog!!

The over nights with the girls are getting easier, I'm just at the end of my rope. They'll sleep 6-7 hours but that starts way to early and leaves me getting up a 3 a.m. with them. If I laid down at 8 with them it wouldn't be a problem but I'm not 73 yet and this house needs to have some sort of order before I can rest! I need to accept that I can't do it all, and I need to make priorities and stick to them. I need to learn to stick to things. So far I'm sticking to this new schedule with the girls and it seems to be working out rather nicely. We're only two days in so I'm not head over heels yet. I just can't find a way to get them to sleep from 12-6! I really feel like work is more of a hinderance with the girls schedule and is aiding in my grumpiness. Working 3 days a week is killer, the long 4 day break gives my body time to settle back down which makes those three days hell. It would be nice to have a little more help with the girls when I need it but I don't know where to turn. It's nothing I can't handle, but I would love to sleep 8 hours straight! Naps are great but there is nothing like uninterrupted sleep!

As much as I would love to sneak off to the basement for a full night of sleep, I don't think I could leave the girls with DH. He would sleep through their screams till they were in full inconsolable breakdowns-if he woke up at all! Is it wrong to complain that he never gets up with the girls? I'm torn between feeling guilty and feeling neglected. He does work and I for the most part don't. When I do work, I still have the girls in the morning before I work and they're handed right back over when I get home at night. Even on the weekend I take care of the girls over night when I have to work and he doesn't. Sometimes I feel so angry I want to scream at him! I even tell him off while he sleeps, luckily he sleeps deeply! I think he could do a little more, maybe just on the weekends, but I know it won't happen.

So that leads me to this weekend, I'm working a crap shift tomorrow so I can try and make up for not being able to work Saturday. DH has a bar mitzvah and I couldn't find a sitter so I had to take myself off the schedule. I'm going to a bull roast that night and feel horribly guilty leaving him with the girls while I go out. I really wanted us to go as a family but DH was uninterested as usual. So I'll try to enjoy myself for a few hours. I'm sure I'll feel awkward and annoyed with all the questions about the babies and end up leaving early. It seems like almost ever weekend he has something to do, I'm trying to convince myself it's just the time of year and things will settle down. I'm hoping to convince the boss man to get me an early shift Sunday. The turn around that night will be killer but I would love to take the girls to the Drive-In and see Where the Wild Things Are. DH has promised to take me to a drive in for the last 2 years or so and I'm tired of waiting for him. This wasn't suppose to be an I-hate-DH-post!!

So I have decided to take advantage of my mother tomorrow. I feel bad doing so. I'm dropping the girls off at the regular time so I can come home and clean. Hopefully I will still have the motivation. Then off to work and back home to my family. I need to write out this new schedule I'm trying with the girls so DH can continue it. I'm tired of always finding the girls in the pack-n-play when I get home, it makes me worry. Everything makes me worry. Alright, 12:15. Feed them and put them back down and **everything crossed** 5 hours of sleep for this mama!

Euphoria on Empty

Sorry I've been gone.

The honeymoon is over and all that is left is a frazzled mama! I love being home with the girls which makes me hate my job even more. I'm only working 3 days a week still and every time I contemplate adding another day because I have a sitter or DH is off I decide against it-it's only money right?

My big problem is that I feel myself trying to be too stereo-typical-get-everything-done-need-no-sleep-super-mom. I stay up late to do their early morning feeding around 1 before I turn in, if I don't I'll sleep through it and I'm grouch when I don't get up on my own. Grouchy mama plus screaming hungry babies are never a good combination! So since I'm up and have energy I want to do stuff around the house and it's getting harder and harder to tell myself NO! I wish I could get up in the morning and take care of these tid bits while they are still sleeping after their early feeding but that is when I am catching up on my sleep(which I've finally accepted I will always be short on!). I'm having a terrible time just putting things off till the next day and it's starting to keep me up at night. Now I'm currently fretting that the sheets didn't get changed and the dogs weren't bathed. Not the biggest things in the world in my mind I can see the microscopic organisms crawling all over the sheets and it's driving me insane!

Going out with the girls has gotten much easier, both with help and without out! I've gotten the stroller down and loading and unloading have been mastered. DH was leery about using the underneath of the stroller as a basket when we were out but once he was on he own he got the idea! :) Monday he was home and we went out to target after the girl's appointment. I treated myself to some clothes from the misses section!!! This is the first time in my life I've been able to shop there! I'm a big girl now-haha! Speaking of big girl- I found ANOTHER stretch mark, this time on my butt cheek! How sexy! I know no one but DH will see it but come on, I'm not pregnant anymore why are these things popping up now?

The girl's appointment went wonderfully. They are growing very well, I'm so happy. I was afraid they'd be tiny forever and now I'm starting to miss them being so small. Claire weighted in at 8lbs 14 oz. and Emma was 9 lbs 6 oz.! YIKES! When did they get so big? Claire is now sporting a double chin-every preemie mother's dream! Emma is 21.25 inches, a quarter of an inch longer than Claire.

Here they are before their shots. I remember when those socks were thigh highs!

We decided to split their shots up. DH left that decision to me. I wish he had more of an opinion. I understand the benefits of immunizations and the need to protect everyone, I don't like that the government is telling me what to do with my children, and I certainly don't feel that preemies with immature immune systems need to be bombarded with a zillion dead viruses and chemicals. It might not make a different in the long run and it's going to cost me another trip to the doctors but I slept better. They actually weren't horrible about it either. Of course they let out shrieks and shed some tears but about 30 seconds after they were fine. They were sleepy for the rest of the day and only took one dose of tylenol-which by the way smells delicious and they seemed quite pleased with the taste as well.

The girls are more awake now which is nice, I get to see more personality. However it's becoming more difficult as they don't quite entertain themselves or each other and these two hands have bottles to make, laundry to fold and diapers to change! Emma likes to get up in the morning while Claire will fall right back to sleep after her breakfast. It's amazing how much they are like DH and I! Claire loves to sit up and when we were in toys.rus I looked into a bumbo. Silly me didn't think that my girls were early and small for their age. So maybe in 3 months they'll fit into one! So disappointing. So she'll have to settle for the car seat for now. Emma is finally staying awake and showing us some of herself. She has pretty much slept the first 10 weeks of her life away! Luckily she is still laid back and no where near as demanding as Claire. I don't think I could handle two of them!

Not much else is going on. My boss doesn't seem to want to give me one of the weeks I requested for vacation. His excuses range from I just had 6 months off to there are two other people on vacation. I reminded him that I work a whopping 3 days a week and in my absence they survived and even managed to train a few people! So we'll see. I'm planning our first family trip!! Hooray! We really need a weekend away. Maybe tomorrow I'll write about my demon sister... she's always good for a laugh!

The Hardest Week

My first week back was....absolutely horrible! The girls didn't have a good night the night before so I was starting off tired and on the wrong foot. That morning I sat in the living room with the girls holding them and crying. I felt horrible. It was a really intense sadness, I felt like I was giving them away. Luckily that was just the first day. I cried when I got to work then just pulled myself together and went in to work. My plan was to just forget about them till lunch time which was nearly impossible after having been out for almost 6 months! I hung their picture up on my fridge and hid in the kitchen. Every time I came out I was bombarded.

I made it home for lunch where my routine is run in the house and up to the bedroom, rip off my shirt and pump. DH drops off babies and food and then I hurry back. I was exhausted by lunch time and by the end of the night I think my body had begun to shut down. I fell into bed and kept drifting off. Luckily DH stayed up that night to help me some. Everything hurt. I was reminded that I spend most of my time away doing nothing! I have no strength, standing all day was killer. It was a big reminder that I hadn't worn shoes in six months!! MY DOGS WERE BARKING! I felt every step, in new shoes no less, I was almost in tears when I took them off.

If that weren't bad enough, Saturday DH got up early and took care of the girls morning feeds and got them ready to go out. He left early with them so I had to morning to myself to miss the girls before I had to work all night! I was in tears when they left and I tried my best to hold it back. DH felt so bad for leaving me and I really didn't want that, I just couldn't control it. I did run out and get new work shirts because the only one I had that still fit was too tight and stained-not that anyone sees me. I went to work and came home, following my new routine. I was tired and still had a night of caring for the girls ahead of me. Only my dear boss, in his attempt to be nice and give me some day work, opted to give me Sunday morning after having closed Saturday night. So after my 1.5 hours of sleep I was up at 4:30 a.m. to get ready for work again. Sunday was the longest day. I was cranky and sleepy and just a generally unpleasant person. My best work friend thinks this is all too funny. I got home Sunday afternoon to feed and then head back out to grocery shop. We got home, ate and I started falling over. Literally falling over in bed. I was so tired. Again DH came to the rescue and stayed up later than normal to help me out and let me sleep some. I don't know what I would do without him. I don't know how he does it. I'm glad he can sleep though the night, he would be a zombie if he didn't.

So here comes the wrench in life. Yesterday my mother is texting me. We're closer now that the girls are here, well less we're closer and more I'll be a nice mother type so you'll like more and I can see the babies but who's counting? Her text reads "How did DH do this past weekend? I will lose my job as of October 31st. The store closes on Halloween." How does one respond to that? I feel guilty now that I don't pay her to watch the girls on Thursdays. It is only a 4 hours but knowing she'll have no income makes me feel obligated to pay her. I don't think she'll accept it yet, and I think if I offer it she might be offended. I'm not sure how she's handling the news. Mother has always been employed and carried the family when Dad wasn't working and couldn't work. She carries their insurance too. I feel bad. The nice part of the deal is I'm getting free glasses and contacts! So I think I might start putting away some money every time she has them and if she get to a point where she needs the money I can start paying her from the stash. If not it's some savings that I can put towards something!

Maybe I'll write about the demon sister tonight. For now we're off to do laundry and change bed linens. The girls are sleeping and I really hate moving them ;/