Everybody Hurts

I had to download it. Its my IF song.

It was January 2007 and after blood work, check up and an HCG my GYN called to tell me that my husband had no sperm. Of course I was in the middle of my shift and couldn't lose my mind. My grandmother raised me to "take care of business and go cry behind the shed later" although I never figured out why we always had to cry behind the shed. So as I'm doing dishes R.E.M. comes on the radio and dear Michael tells me that

"...everybody cries, everybody hurts....sometimes. Sometimes everything is wrong."

That was my lowest point. Everything was wrong. Alone at work, crying my eyes out among cardboard boxes on the shoulder of a 20 year old boy. I had to go home and tell my husband that he was sterile and I didn't think I could go on. But here I am, 7 months pregnant with my husband's child, loading this song into a playlist for our anniversary get away. It serves as a reminder and a source of strength for me. I took what I wanted from the song and it works for me.

So what's your IF song??

Shower Day

I am still trying to think up the best excuse to get out of this. I've decided faking labor would be bad but being sick wouldn't cut it. Maybe a fall down the stairs!! I really don't want to go. Last night DH scared me even more saying my parents were "setting up" the night before, so my mind was active all night wondering what "setting up" needed to be done. I'm dreading decorations and games, I want everyone to eat and leave me be. I hate being the center of attention. From my trip out yesterday I'm tired and sore, I didn't sleep well worrying about today and I'm anxious I'll not seem grateful, interested or appreciative. I'm just a ball of joy-who will come in "all her glory" as mother put it. What a phrase!

On the bright side, we will be recipients of goods for the babies and that will cut down on our expenses. I recently found out that there is at least one uninvited guest who I'm not fond of and another guest has decided to bring fried chicken-how random! So wish me luck, I'll update with pictures by tomorrow of our gifts and "all my glory". I'm so glad DH is coming and I'm not letting him leave the side of my recliner throne! Maybe a tiara and scepter isn't such a bad idea after all.

Storm Before The Calm

Who's excited about vacation? I am! Two days, just DH and I. The beach over our anniversary, shopping for the girls, enjoying good food-a wonderful time to be had. However before I get there there is some business that needs to be taken care of. 

The Shower

I dread it. I don't know how I am going to make it through. Growing up I didn't have many birthday parties and I hate being the center of attention. I'm not, however, opposed to gifts and freebies! It will be good to see family and friends, and to get out of the house-more specifically this bedroom! I am just so anxious. I'm not into showers, for myself or others. I don't know how to handle myself and I have a tendency to be sarcastic. I don't want to appear ungrateful and knowing that I am a.) very picky and b.) hate pink and am have girls, I'm sure this is going to happen. I would much rather people just mail me boxes. People who aren't attending have done this and it has been wonderful! Gifts show up, it's a mini christmas, and I go back to what it was that I was doing. 

To further show my ungratefulness, I hate the idea of the recliner. My parents decided to keep me as laid out as possible during the shower so father is taking his recliner for me to lay in. Its so dumb, I will be fine. I don't have the heart to tell them though. I suggested that my rocker would be lighter and more manageable and left it at that. See I am already prepared for disaster. So far I've counted about 20 people I think that will actually be there, I'm not sure who else my mother has invited from "Oh you remember so-and-so" category but I'm hoping not many. It's bad enough I can't do small talk and like to sit by myself in corners during social gatherings, imagine talking to 'a friend of the family' who I last saw when I was 9 or worse yet not knowing who I am talking to at all! The anxiety I have over this is mounting to dangerous levels. At least if I cry they can just say I'm hormonal and know one will have to know it's because the last thing I need is 47 pink onesies that say Daddy's Girl!

In other news, the letters to hang over the cribs have been painting and as soon as we remember to pick up 3M tape they can be hung. We finally got around to cutting DH's hair last night and I will be picking hair out of ever nook and cranny till the next hair cut. That man is a beast! I think after we get back from our little get away I'll send DH out for some baby approved detergent and start setting up their room. Clothes in drawers, diapers stacked, sheets spread. Then we can go through all the gifts we received and match them against our needed list. I'll then send DH and my cousin out for the rest. Maybe I'll just go myself, this house can't hold me for much longer!

Violins Please

I don't feel pretty anymore.

That's the only way to describe it. There are no longer clothes that fit or look attractive. I hope the tent maker is on his way to town-I'm in need. I realized that I needed a nice out to go to dinner while we're away. I'm so excited to go away, I can't wait. I haven't really cared how I look and don't often leave the house anymore. I tried on a dress I had, 0 petite from WHBM-it got stuck! SOOO while we were out today I just passed by maternity and picked up a dress. DH insisted I try it on. I cried in the dressing room. I felt like I had a tent on and I just noticed that my chest is covered in big blue veins! Lovely! I know this is a temporary situation. DH assured me I looked beautiful and made suggestions of stuff I'd be more comfortable it. But the truth of the matter is that I no longer feel like myself or like a functioning independent person and I'm not sure that can be fixed. 

So I'm comforting myself with the fact that it is one day, one outfit.  If I'm so determined to wear my bikini on the beach, why should I let a dress bother me? I should be more concerned that the only shoes I wear now are flip flops and I can't really shave anymore! Pregnancy is full of all the joys I'd hoped for!

When I'm an RE

When I'm an RE I will gift all of my successful patients with something from here. I figure it's the least I could do after I take all their money! Seeing that was so weird, but intriguing none the less. I almost want to buy some, but then I'd have to explain so they'd never wear them. I'm not sure how I feel about them....thoughts?

Are Multiples Sooo Horrible?

So we watched, everyone did. DH believes that Jon is just being negatively portrayed and that the directors are trying to portray Kate as a saint. She's not, I never said she was. I never said Jon was horrible, only that permanently leaving his kids made me think less of him and gave the impression that he was disconnecting himself from the family. Kate leaves for book tours and the like as DH pointed out, but she comes back. If Jon moves far away, as in the reported NY endeavor, there is no coming back. He'll turn into the weekend daddy, the holiday daddy, the "here's a late birthday card" daddy. It just really makes me sad. I don't think the kids are so much to blame as Kate tries to reiterate, I think it's her addiction to fame and fortune. But are multiples sooo horrible? Are they that devastating to a relationship?

The vast majority of statistics point to the higher divorce rate of parents of multiples, but I don't understand why. Especially in IF cases where just having a child was a difficult feat. When we went in for transfer and did both of our embies, I wasn't thinking "what if both of these stick and we can't handle it? What if we get divorced over this?" I was elated it worked!! We had a chance! When do you lose that frame of mind? When is the honeymoon over? How can anyone blame their children for their divorce?? I think it has to be a combination of the stresses of a large family that destroy the marriage. Money, resources, and parenting skills. When any of there run short, there would be an imbalance but it has nothing to do with the children that you worked so tirelessly to attain. 

As a result I'm convinced more than ever to have a plan for when the twins arrive. Even if the plan is tossed to the side or altered, and not because I don't think we'd make a great team. I just feel a pressing need to alleviate the stress of two infants as much as possible. Maybe I'm naive to think that it will never happen to us, and we're golden. I just feel that you should really know your partner before you take such a plunge. J & K had kids right after marriage, but DH and I have been together for 5 years and known each other much longer. I feel I know him well enough to predict how he will parent and handle the girls when they come, and I feel totally comfortable with what I foresee. 

Kate mentioned something about not wanting to do it alone and who can blame her? Eight children is a huge responsibility for two people. However after the show last night, DH just rolled over and assured me that he would never leave. That was all I needed, I knew he meant it. I think the show really got to him, as much as he hates watching. So I took a potty break, let out some tears, and went to bed knowing I have strong relationship that is ready for whatever two little babies can throw at us.

Why Bother?

Why bother watch Jon & Kate tonight? I knew they were going to separate, we all did. Couldn't they have filed tomorrow? Would one more day have killed them? Ratings people, RATINGS! But I'm addicted, its my drug, and I will watch. 

29 It Is

I've made it to week 29, hooray. Now if the babies would kindly mind relocating from my ribs and back down into the belly! Father's day was good. I gave DH a book on preparing and caring for twins and two cute sno.opy blanket puppets. It is the perfect mixture of our two childhood talismans. I went with DH to see his parents, we stopped to drop off my father's gift to an empty house and I stopped by to see my godfather. Since I've been granted some movement I'm taking full advantage!

In reading the twin book I got for DH, I'm starting to second guess some decisions and choices. Maybe it's just the way she presents information. I real want a rocking chair but the book said it wasn't practical for twins and I wouldn't use it. That I should invest in a day bed-oh right cause with two cribs and two dressers I have room for a day bed! I think DH and I will have a sit down soon and figure out how we are going to attack handling two babies. So far its just been preparing for their arrival, but now I need a game plan!

Maybe pictures tomorrow, I am sore and tired today. I decided to get up and do some house cleaning so I feel useful so off I go!

How?

So I scan the gossip sites, and catch up on the latest celebrity news. Nosey I know but what else am I to do in the prison? So today's question comes from the latest reports...

How do you divorce with 8 children?

I am almost disgusted with my near obsession with Jon and Kate, the drama is too much. I do feel terrible for the kids having a mom like that and seeing their lives played out on tv and in tabloids. I don't think she was that bad a few years ago when she was still mothering and not being the super-mom-celebrity-author type. Now with their eminent divorce, I wonder how you work a divorce of this nature? They're loaded now thanks to the show, but how do you work out things in the best interest of the kids? And is it wrong of me to think so much less of Jon if he really is moving to NYC? Isn't it all about the kids? It should be. 

Of course all of this has me thinking of my own marriage and the pending birth of our children. I almost want to pen a custody arrangement before they are born, just to be prepared. Not that I ever intend to divorce, but in the event that it happens it would be something we agreed on in better times. Does that make sense? Now my head is spinning, my husband is too good for me to ever want to leave and he is going to be a wonderful family man. He always puts us first and I never thank him enough. [Thank you babe, you're are the best and all we'll ever need!] I think I am just over reacting. I love pregnancy induced craziness! 

In other news, amazon delivered my replacement package-just after some neighbor delivered my first one! My maternity wear came from old navy and apparently we have different ideas of full panel pants!! Oh my goodness they are so tight and low! They hardly make it past my belly button! My mother called today and told me to order my shower cake! Her words "Can you do me a favor? Go order your cake. Get what you want." Wowzer! I'm so excited, I'm sure she won't be as much so for the bill!! I have an idea of what to get but I'm still not sure! I'll close with a picture of the cribs! DH started staining the dressers today-I'm so excited!

Note the printer and modem still in the nursery, apparently the tech Ver.izon re-sent out was still just as incapable of make the internet work anywhere else in the house!

Who Has The Best OB-I DO!

Ok, I'm in love with her. I'm really contemplating divorcing my husband and going after her. Yesterday's visit was the best. Simply the best. It started with me being insanely nervous. I'm always nervous since the cervix scare that led to bed rest. I now know that feeling fine doesn't equal being fine, that some problems do not show themselves, and hospitals are not ideal vacation spots. 

However yesterday's visit was a normal visit. No dildo cam, no cervix worries. It was as if I were a regular pregnant girl. The nurse checked for heart beats, then I was measured and had an internal and we were done. Dr apologized for hitting my babies head, she must be sitting low. I'm still 50% effaced and the stitch is holding. I wish I would have asked how sure she was that it was a head she was hitting and not a bottom still. That was it. We went in for our little meeting afterwards and after teasing me about puking she decided that I didn't have to go back. I was rather vocal about not going for a second try so maybe that helped. Instead I have to check my sugar and report it back. Its starting off as just a fasting, post breakfast and post dinner readings. I really think that this should be an end to all this diabetes mess. I found out that my one-hour test came back at 144, 140 is the cut off. The two readings I was able to get in during the three-hour test were both normal. So maybe I run high, but I don't think I have GD.

What is even better is I got some more mobility back!!! I asked to go to the beach, fully expecting to be shot down but she said YES!!! Turns out she spend last weekend at Lewes and goes regularly. She even loves our favorite restaurant! Maybe we'll get her a gift certificate!! I'm so excited! I was ready to leave the hospital for the beach! However there were dogs to feed and dressers to buy. We stopped at Ik.ea on the way home for baby dressers and got some dinner. I think I had my first real contraction on the car ride home. It wasn't horrible, just much stronger than my regular daily contractions. The babies have been active since yesterday and someone always seems to be awake now. As we were waiting to go back I heard my beloved Dr tell a patient "10 kicks in 12 hours" which made me chuckle. I can do 10 in 20 minutes! My knee and hip are sore today, I fell yesterday. Not a real fall, just down to my knee when I was changing. However DH was out walking the dogs at the time and his concern when he found out was insane. To me it's something that just happens, however he was upset for about 2 hours after that he wasn't here. As if he would have been able to "go-go gadget arms" and save me! I wish he would relax a little. I really feel as though we are "of the woods" so to speak. At 28 weeks babies have a 91% survival and it just increases with the weight they gain. I guess he'll be worrying for the rest of his life now. :)

DH put one crib together yesterday and is currently working on the other. I'm so excited. I need to have the sheets washed and start putting stuff together. Since I have some more freedom and movement there is so much I want to do. I feel revived and alive now. I'm sure DH is going to try to keep me down. Yesterday I was suppose to receive a package from amaz.on, and the tracking page said it was delivered but it wasn't. I was so upset! So I email them around 9pm. 2:30 am this morning my inbox received a message with their apology informing me that they've sent out my order again, this time with one day shipping-all at no charge! Hooray! I think this is the first thing I haven't had to fight for! I also received an email that the personalized m&m's have shipped and should be here today or tomorrow and that my new maternity outfit has arrived and will ship out tomorrow! All these boxes remind me of christmas! Another one of my daily checks is our baby registry. Yesterday I discovered that someone purchased a bouncer and two booster chairs! Last night someone got a car seats. I'm so excited. It's like peaking at Santa's list as he is packing his sack! I wonder what today will hold!

So I end this, my 100th post, on a much happier note than usually. Hopefully I'll post some pics of the developing nursery later. It looks fantastic! I wonder how far away a crib needs to be from a radiator...?

Glucose 1, Mandy 0 **Updated**

Yup, I blew it. I had my baseline drawn, drank an absurdly large amount of this crap

and had my first hour blood drawn. I felt like poop, I was light headed with a head ache, had

 spotted vision and was fighting with all my might to keep it down. I'm sure I looked wonderful. Then I decided that I was too tired and felt bad enough that laying down was in order. Cue spiral! 

I couldn't get comfortable. Thought maybe a trip to the potty for a splash of cold water might help and sat up. From there it just got worse and worse. I felt back, my vision completely went and I could hardly hear my husband next to me! I just kept waiting to pass out. But no, I just felt worse and now had to try and make it to the bathroom. I stumbled out of the car and crouched down to get my bearings. Then we started walking. It was then the mouth watering started. The uncontrollable, you know you're about to puke and nothing will help you, copious amounts of drool. Bam! I'm hurling! In the parking garage no less, with car passing enjoying the free entertainment. 

So there I stood- tears streaming down my face, orange crap flying out of me, hunched over with hands on my knees for balance. Bouncing off the cement the glucola dealt it's final insult by landing on my feet, flip flops, shins and in my hair! I was a ball of joy. I gathered myself while poor DH kept rubbing my back and telling me it was ok. But it's not ok, I tried as hard as I could and failed. I'm going to have to go back I'm sure. I'm going to my appointment Wednesday with a list of glucola alternatives. I had problems both times, glucola and I aren't friends and I refuse to keep trying. It's not going to magically stay down on another day. I'll change my diet and get a meter, but no more glucola!

So to reward my effort we went to Cracker.Barrel! Yum. I felt so much better once my system rid itself of the orange demons that I inhaled my food. Now I'm back in bed. That was enough of an outing for one day. I am wiped. I find myself wondering how I will handling being up and active again, with twins no less, after spending so much time in bed! 

Now for the week 28 pic...I'm thinking this is motor-home size!

27 Week Picture

More like here's a picture of my new RV. I love how happy I look! You'll just have to excuse the "this-room-is-making-me-crazy" smirk on my face!

I'm Failing at Pregnancy

That's how I currently feel. The office called yesterday to let me know that being HYPO-glycemic prior to pregnancy and taking fist fulls of iron during pregnancy, I failed my glucose test and still have very low iron. Fantastic. Now I have to schedule a 3-hour glucose test with more of the drink I despise. As for the iron, I'm not sure what else to do.

Gestational diabetes doesn't scare me, although changing my diet will probably break my spirit. It's bad enough being locked away in my bedroom-let me have my fruit and sweets! Part of me hopes I could skip diet changes and go straight to insulin, I've handled IVF! The more I analyze my diet, the more I fret. Lots of fruit, juice, cookies and ice cream. My trusty twin book  reminded me that things like ketchup, bbq, granola, honey mustard, and my beloved baked beans all have "hidden sugars" and that gestational diabetes is of course more common in multiple gestations-thanks girls! Now that I've been reflecting, I wonder if the twins weight gain as well as my own has been linked to this?! Everything I read seems to say that GD just makes bigger babies as they're overfed on my sugar. Is that such a bad thing with twins? I know they won't mature faster but a little meat is welcomed in my opinion. So in finding the humor DH was baffled to find out the GD as well as other diseases and ailments disappear after delivery. It made no sense to him! I already know I'm destine to get Type-2 later in life, gotta love genetics, so I'd just like to wait till then thanks!

The iron  has me more concerned. I've always been anemic and I'm not a fan of the beef regularly. I've been taken double iron daily and have incorporated beef and more iron rich foods so what's the deal? Vitamin deficiency? What scares me most is the possibility of a c-section and bleeding. I'm paranoid so transfusions are something I want if I'm 93% dead. I think the c-section poses unnecessary risk for bleeding for me and I should just deliver breech babies vaginally! But I'm willing, dreaming, hoping, and DEMANDING they turn head down and stay so hopefully this will just be another episode of me over reacting and expecting the worst.

In other news, mother is visiting Thursday. She is bringing me a trash can and I'm SO EXCITED! This mean I should really get a graduation card for the chosen child. DH is done with school on Friday-hooray! This leaves me all summer to have 'honey-do' lists completed! Last night I was like a small child who was seeing hail for the first time. It was a nasty storm and I was really waiting for one of the neighbor's big trees to fall on one of our cars AGAIN but no luck. I was planning a big production of waddling my fat self over to her front door and throwing a hissy fit! I really should have DH go over the cars for damages, perhaps tonight. Off to lay around like a lump and contemplate calling for my next round of tests.

Round and round

So I made an interesting discovery today during one of my bathroom trips. The wonderful new mesh short DH brought home from wally world a few weeks back are a little large. By large I mean they are a  medium, 

a MENS 32-34 MEDIUM!

And THEY FIT! 

Now I know that I'm pregnant and that the preggos get larger and larger. I however, started off in a 00P from Ann Taylor. I scrounged the petite sections of every store! I'm 5'2"! This is insane and I really can't imagine how much bigger I'll get.

In other news DH is losing his mind as he and my father dismantle our dilapidated shed. They started last night and were hoping to be done today but my father is clueless. DH could have probably taken it down single handedly in a day. I can only imagine how much fun assembling a new shed will be! Poor DH had planned to do so much today. I feel like I'm holding up his life. He really needs to get his school work done and this distraction is not putting him "in the zone."

In other news the "paper lady" at my company sent me a card which meant a lot. Now if she could only hurry along my STD pay! I'm hoping that this resolves itself soon. I've got a lot to take care of and plan for in the next two and a half months!

Freedom

...for a brief 5 hours and it kicked my ass! Welcome to the third trimester!

Stop 1: The Doctors

Ultrasound first where we see two happy babies. Both growing equally well, measuring right on time still, and weighing just over 2lbs. each! Good fluid for both. They have both flipped to breech with their backs facing out so we didn't get any decent pictures. Cervix is still short and closed but no longer funneled which is GREAT NEWS! That took 25 minutes so I tell the front desk I'm going down to glucose hell since my appointment with the Dr is still half an hour away.

Stop 2: Diagnostic 

We walk in, sign in, sit down to fill out the normal paper work. I made DH wait to take it up so I could give myself enough time have my Dr appointment and make it back down for the blood draw. They take the papers back and we wait. Some old man is called up and he falls over and lands on his back with his legs sticking straight up in the air. I'm grabbing DH's arm, speechless but trying to usher him to help. The old man gets up and the desk nazi says "You must have balance problems, you look like you've done this before." Wow! She's a bright one! Then a nurse comes out and finds me, I run down my personal info and am handed the cup of yuk. YUK YUK YUK. Luckily it was only 3/4 of the big paper cups, but it was soooo gross. It was as if someone watered down melted orange lollipops with sugar. It tasted medicine-y and I almost lost it. Mean while DH is cheering me on as if we're in college and I have the funnel! Still some time to kill before our appointment so we sat outside and talked.

Stop 3: The Doctors

Back at the Dr. We go back almost immediately. Poor Shana had been looking for me but the desk never told her I went to get my glucose done. So we go back and I weigh....117 now! Holy crap!! 8lbs in 2 weeks! BP is normal. Off to the room for the feeling up of the prego chick. We wait and wait and wait. With 10 minutes left till my blood has to be drawn, an impatient DH goes out and we are told to go down for the blood draw and come back. 

Stop 4: Diagnostic

I walk back past the desk nazi who remembers me but does but has no clue. I go back, and someone who actually correctly pronounces my name sends me to a chair and chit chats while he draws my blood. Why is everyone so amazed that such a tiny person is having twins?? So then it's back upstairs.

Stop 5: The Doctors 

I think when I walk past the increasing crowd in the waiting room, and past the smaller crowd in the back waiting room people must have been thinking awful things about us. Shana puts us in another room for some more waiting. All this time with pants was quite interesting. Then the wonderful Dr. C shows up. We've started calling her by her first name, Claire, she's like part of the family now. Checks me which is always so much fun, and announces the stitch is the only think holding the baby in and that baby A's butt is right there against her fingers! What a comfort to know that a tiny piece of thread is keeping me pregnant! She says everything looks wonderful and to meet her in her office. I get dressed and off we go. I bring up the letter we received in the mail stating the short term disability people want more info and are still not paying me. She insists they are crazy, because she hates people and I love her for it, and says it will all get taken care of. She goes off about suing them if they keep being a pain. I love her! I also got her to settle DH down about contractions. I'm a horrible wife and don't tell him about my contractions which upsets him. They are only Braxton-Hicks but he gets so upset when the word contraction is heard. He then compulsively checks on me and asks if I've had more. He seems content with her 6 in a hour rule, and that they BH are harmless. We are finally done! We leave and the parking attendant said no charge as we pulled up. What a nice end to a 2+ hour doctor visit.

Stop 6: Dinner and Shopping!!!

So my treat for being a "good girl" at the doctor was dinner out. I was exhausted. We hit Fridays where I was sadden to see that they've taken fried macaroni and cheese off the menu. Dinner was delicious none the less. DH let me go to TWO craft stores, and then I went in the grocery store really quick. It was a busy day. Well, as busy as my days are now. 

I'm upset that I let myself get so worked up and worried. It all turns out fine for the most part. I am going to make an effort to tell DH about my contractions. In fact I just text him. I hope he doesn't think I'm being smart! Another week and he is done we school and we can spend the summer preparing! 

Its Sunny

It will remain sunny. I was reminded today of what horrible odds we've over come. We shouldn't have biological children, nature didn't intend for that. However two sperm left us with two embabies, which both stuck around leaving us with twins! All thanks to the two dollar bill of course! I think I might frame it. I went back today a read my old blogs, reminiscing in our journey down the IF path. We could all write incredible books, shows, movies...

But enough tears. It was all a reminder of why I am trapped here in bed. It reenforced that it is well worth it, no matter how cranky I may get. Trust me, I am indeed getting cranky-poor DH. One month in to bed rest and I think I am handling it pretty well over all. I don't think the boredom can be totally escaped. Luckily I have friends and family to talk to, shopping to do, and a wedding album to put together. Really, I'm going to make the album! I'm working to accept the backache as part of the process. I'd kill to know someone who would rub my back each night. It's starting to cost me sleep at night which is no fun. My happy foam mattress is suppose to fight off all backaches! Thus far in my sentence I've handled some medical bills, fought constantly with insurance companies, set up new insurance plans, and decided what color I am next going to paint my bedroom as a consolation prize for over coming bed rest and delivering healthy babies! I'm starting to feel "big". Little tasks like dealing with toe nails and shaving are starting to take more effort. I don't know if I can ask DH to handle these things, but summer is coming and I cannot stand hair legs rubbing together! Weird that it doesn't bother me in the winter LOL!

Wednesday is the next growth scan and visit. I hoping for no cervical changes and lots of growth. I am still really leery of being able to complete the glucose test. I am really happy that it is the end of the school year and DH is taking half a day to take me to my appointment. I need to get my list of questions together and find all my bargaining chips. My Dr will bargain with me to some degree and right now I am itching for a date night! I'm thinking a movie night at the drive-in to see UP! Or whatever else is playing, I just need out! 

Without any further delay...

Week 26! T-98 days and counting!