My Phone is SMART!

This chick moved on up! I recently (last month) upgraded to a smartphone. I kicked, screamed, and dug my heels in about the move. It was more money, it was unnecessary, it was a piece of technology that would run my life- AND I LOVE IT!

Meet Eris, Droic Eris by HTC. We have a bit of an affair going on.

This was my last phone. No name, but a tried and true friend. I loved this phone. I thought we were meant to be together, but with a name like VX9900 I should have know it wouldn't work out.

It was bright orange, what's not to love? It stood out, and withstood the test of time. In fact, aside from a nearly useless battery, it works just as good today as it did 5 years ago when I bought it! The camera wasn't amazing, nothing like the 5 megapixels the Droid has. It had the internet, and because my plan was SO OLD my internet usage counted against my minutes. Bwhaha that was amazing.

But I've moved on to Eris. Eris is far from the hottest, new phone. But I like my men phones at bit more mature and experienced ;) What I didn't love is the $30 data plan that Mr. Droid came with. However $30 is well worth the service I receive. The internet at my finger tips, yes please!

The world of the smartphone offers apps. Marcia, Mandy, APPS ARE YOUR FRIENDS! I have banked, bill payed, blogged, bought, and browsed from my phone. We can read, play games, and hear stories and music! That's right, I can throw the ladies a phone in a restaurant (that an app helped me pic) and open up the story app (of which I have several) or a learning app (which they haven't quite mastered) and be able to eat my meal in a somewhat casual and relaxed manner. I have listen to music and the radio. I'm notified when I have new emails waiting and can instantly respond! I can let my friends know where I am because my life is just that damn interesting! Ha! No, I don't, I don't like to be tracked my satellites in space. However sometimes I do let the satellites track me, because they can tell me how to get back to Route 70 when I'm driving through farm Ted's corn field! That's right, it has navigation Marcia! With all this fun there is still more! I think what will be my most cherished app for the upcoming year of my children's life will be the potty training app! Oh yes, a friendly reminder to truck it back to the potty!

But I'm not all bells and whistles. I still use the standard alarm on my phone for a wake up call, and more importantly, I used the timer for time out. A complete necessity as I just might forget someone in time out if they aren't throwing a giant tantrum about it. Not that that has happened a few times. It still allows me to text and it's word prediction is amazing. Eris knows me and what I want to say. I can even teach Eris my vocabulary which I love, love, love! Makes it so much easier to tell my cousin how crazy the house is when there are three children hanging from me!

I can say that I'm quite happy Eris came into my life. I'm not sure how I ever survived with him. I'm not happy with his $30 data plan but it's unlimited so I guess I can't complain too much. I will admit that I am a little annoyed with the linking of FB data. I'm waiting for the day I accidentally text my preacher man Uncle instead of the hubs! That will go over smashingly with my potty mouth! I could always unlink my FB account but then I would have to go to the trouble to physically adding numbers to my phone, and that is just sooooo 2005!

So that ladies, is my phone. Please link up with Marcia and show us your phone!

The Longest Birthday Party Post Ever

Holla! I finally made it to the party post! There are very few party pictures as my camera is an evil electronic box. But here is lead up from my phone. Whatever techie thought that putting a phone in a camera was absolutely necessary, I love you! Really!

Friday we decided to move the party inside since the outside temperature were suppose to be hot enough to vaporize the young and elderly. Great. We moved it to the Flordia room, also know as my parents' dumping ground. I was thrilled to hear that they clean it all out, vacuumed, and washed the walls and windows. They went all out. Mother even thank me for the motivation, not a problem ma!

That afternoon I worked to get all my baking done. I started during nap time and almost finished before the ladies woke up. Luckily HAM doesn't quite recognize sugary confections yet. My girls are another story. They got up and toddled into the kitchen, immediately spotting the glow of the oven.

CUTCAAAAAKES!

These were the chocolate cupcakes with cheesecake and oreo centers. We also had carrot with cream cheese icing and plain vanilla with vanilla icing.

While I was finishing up my last batch of cupcakes I moved on to making lunch for the girls. Since I was in a hurry and the oven was hot, I decided to throw in some nuggets. This is what I found.

I promptly call for a public stoning of my cousin's husband via facebook for eating baby wombats and saving their livers. I then decided to use my cupcakes for the last laugh.

I won! It's totally gross. I mean no disrespect, but I certainly found it entertaining. Poop is always good for a cheap laugh! The girls lead a mini protest refusing lunch and demanding cutcaaakes. That lasts till I said they could eat lunch or not eat. I always win!

After we got home Friday and I received an unexpected text with some rather odd news.

Mother: The office ceiling fell down

Wow. What do you say to that? Sure enough when we went over to help clean and set up Friday night, the ceiling had certainly fallen. With no visible cause. In true fashion, father was home for a while by himself and just didn't notice. Mother notice right after she walked in the door. Our best guess is it was unnoticed damage from the roof rolling off last year. In mother's words, it's always something. It needed to be redone anyhow. Don't you love the 1972 fan and the honey pine trim work. Ahh, nothing like living in your in-laws house! And do you see the suede parka hanging in the closet? My father has been carting that gem around since high school! He moved out of this house with that jacket, only to move back in 20 years later with it!

On to the party fun. Here is the cupcake set up. There were going to be oreo lady bugs in flower pots but I just ran out of care. With everything falling through, and down, all around I threw my hands up and did what I could muster the energy for. As it was pointed out, it's their second birthday, that they won't remember-even if we will never forget it.

Right after we opened presents and we went in to get the girls cupcakes and I noticed something fall in the door way to the right. I thought it was just my eyes till I saw it again. I walked over and sure enough, water was falling from the ceiling! WTH?! My mother came in and saw me. Quite startled she, rather loudly, said "IS THAT WATER?" Yep ma, this house is out to get you. Apparently there was water dripping from the copper air conditioning pipes into the drain pan for the hot water heater and overflowing. My parents have all their "units" upstairs in room. Gravity lead this leak to the dining room ceiling. So in less that 24 hours they now have to replace two ceilings, call a plumber, and pray that nothing else happens anytime soon! I felt horribly guilty. We've decided that the shop vac is cursed since this time my father needed it and it was still at my house from our flood. Cue husband huffing out the door, in the middle of the party, to retrieve it. We waited it. Everyone sang, ate, and filed out.

I was cleaning up and DH loaded up. It was going to take TWO TRIPS to clean up and take everything home. TWO trips to clean up from TWO girls celebrating the big TWO! So while I un-decorated and DH ran the first load over and took care of the dogs, the ladies busied themselves in Grandma's cupboards. This box of Chee.rios is now inedible. Please notice Emma has on a new pair of shoes, shoe she had to put on the minute she took them from the gift bag, shoes that stayed on ALL NIGHT. I can't afford a shoe fetish chicka!

When we finally made it home, this is what I found. DH had lined up all the presents for my "blog shot." What a gentleman!

The generosity of family and friends is amazing. I am always cautious about giving gift suggestions. I don't want people to feel overwhelmed or spend more than they are comfortable with. I also don't want them to feel like they have to buy twice as much just because there are two of them. I understand this was a family party and family is usually more generous than the kids that will pile in to the 8th birthday but still! My children are spoiled!

Cars, train accessories, books, clothes, art supplies to last two years, more little people accessories and sets, new train sets, magna doodle tables, and on and on. I even inventoried it as I was unpacking, separating, and putting away. I can't imagine giving them more than an quarter of this at once!

This also means that I have to clean out toys again and buy some sort of toy storage. I'm not sure how I will ration toys when they remember all of the gifts that they opened.

Do you put away new toys for later at holidays and birthdays?

On a related note, the devil mailed her gift since her surprise visit fell through.

Crib sheets-awesome.

Receiving blankets-not what I was looking for.

Books for 18 month olds-beneath us.

Not that I'm not grateful, but it's their second birthday. I know that she was on the extended graduation plan and math was far from being her strong subject. Her nieces are 2! You buy gifts ahead of age, not behind. I suppose books are books, they will be used and destroyed none the less. But receiving blankets? Come on! Again, they will be used. Everyone needs some nice dust rags!

Birthday Fun & Two Year Well Visit

Since we're member of the Maryland Zoo, we have reciprocal benefits with most of the zoo's across the country. We decided to make use of that this summer. For the ladies' birthday we went up to the Brandywine Zoo! It was much smaller than our zoo but the girls had a blast none the less. They got to go into to pet the baby goats but would only walk up next to them and hurry away when they moved. They did learn a new word, Llama! Their speech acquisition and comprehension is amazing. With my camera being wonkie, there were few pictures and none from inside the zoo. However there is a wonderful park area with lots of friendly geese that I am sure Emma would have picked up and brought home given the chance!

These geese were incredible friendly, not shying away. But once they found out the girls had animal crackers, they were willing to put on a show! Bwhahaha! So much so that we had to leave. Not that I was afraid they would attack and make off with a baby, but because there were SO MANY and Emma thought it was totally fine to start grabbing at them.

The animal crackers were their birthday present! Mother of the year right here! We went into the Zoo gift shop since it was a million degrees out because someone couldn't wait till their September due date to let the ladies each pick out something for their birthday. Great idea right? Go crazy kids, find something! You can have anything! It's you're birthday! That's the American way!! I discovered that my children are still relatively well trained and mannered, they were constantly looking to make sure it was ok to touch and pick things up. They would stand in front of something and stare till they were told it was ok to pick it up or they would just wait for it to be handed to them. However there was nothing they fell in love with. No stuffed animals, no zoo hat, no books, no puzzles. I was willing to pay gift store prices for whatever their hearts desired but they wanted nothing. That was till we were leaving and they saw a bag of animal crackers. Really? A $2 bag of animal crackers. They were thrilled. Couldn't wait to get them. Threw a fit for them. So they were bough, they were eaten. We stopped off later and bought more. Our new things is animal crackers.

We spend the rest of the afternoon at the beach. We browsed shops, ate, hydrated as much as possible with the girls getting their first taste of an ice cold coke *twitch, twitch*, and finally stopping for dinner. We were quickly sat at a table and forgotten about. It was change of shift and no one gave our table to waitress. This poor girls was stuck with us after a very agitated DH, tired and hungry from the long day, went up to inquire. Somehow word got back to the manager who personally came out to apologize. In his apology he knocked 25% off the bill, gave us a gift card, and got the girls balloons! SCORE! Sure we ended up getting home late but we have a free meal to show for it and the girls had balloons to annoy the hell out of us enjoy on the two hour ride home!

Here are the rest of the zoo pictures.

One of the few times Claire ventured from the wagon to run around. She has recently been content to sit and watch her sister run wild.

More animal cracker bribery for pictures. I was hoping to catch them playing in the fountain but they had no interest and my camera was being a pain. I even made them special shirts with a 2 on it to wear for their birthday and I don't have one clear picture of them!

This one is by far a miracle. We were trying to get the girls to stand near the fountain to take a picture when this family was walking past us to their car. The father came up and said he would take some pictures for us. He said his schpeal about how all their family pictures are missing one of the parents and my mind was blown. I must have thanked him ten times. I believe this is only the third family picture we have had. He was nice enough to take a few in hopes one would turn out for us. I was so happy my camera cooperated for this! The girls aren't smiling and the sun is in our eyes, but we have a picture of the four of us! Hooray!

Thursday was our two year well visit. Are they still called well visits now? The Dr. B said we had two healthy girls and to keep up the good work. Both are under 23 pounds and in the third and fourth percentiles for weight. She predicts we will have skinny-minis. Emma is a giantess at 34" tall towering almost two inches over her sister. We are still watching Emma head, for what I'm not exactly sure. It's big but I'm sure if she had hydrocephalus it would have been apparent by now. Her head is still measuring in the 97th percentile. It's huge. Dr. B was surprised and called them amazingly healthy for making it to two with a need for antibiotics. Way to jinx us doc! On a serious note, I am not one to run to the doctor for every scratch, fever, and cough. I like to keep things clean-wash your hands! I also let them sample nature, something has to build your immune system in this squeaky-clean world we live in!

As far as their development, they are right on target for the actual age. They are even advance with their speech being characteristic of a three year old. Dr. B was surprised to hear meaningful three word sentences. I was worried they were slightly behind, I was expecting they would be on target for adjusted age. I should never doubt my ladies, I am after all their mother. :)

Interestingly enough, the only notable thing they were missing from the gazillion questions of two year old activities was jumping. My kids don't jump. How do you teach jumping? Dr. B demonstrated. I had to think of dead puppies so I wouldn't split at the seams laughing at her in her ske.tcher shape-ups trying to jump with a laptop in her hands! HA! No shots that day, just blood work that I am not looking forward to.

Is it wrong of me to hate all the paperwork at the Dr.'s? The development and autism questionnaires? They seem a bit excessive. I'm sure this would come up if it were a problem. I would most definitely be asking questions if I suspected anything and I would hope that if I weren't the Dr would pick up on it when she asks her lists of questions, right? But then I have to remember that there are parents like this in the world... ugh.

Hope everyone is having a great Monday!

Pre-Birthday Beach Trip

What better way to start off the birthday week celebrations (and my "vacation" from "my job") by heading to the beach? I really thought you all had better manners, you're suppose to look a lady in the eye, LOL! We hit up one of our usual haunts, Gordon's Pond in Lewes, DE. It's the same spot DH and I were married and a place that has become near and dear to our family-minus the Out-of-State park fee!

Since it is part of the DE state parks and you must pay to enter, the crowds are always minimal. I also love that it is an unguarded beach. Blah, blah, blah-safety, schmafety. I hate hearing the whistles blow. You should know how to swim if you're in the water, and you shouldn't be out so deep you can't swim back. Furthermore, if the water is horribly rough with strong rips-stay out! I wouldn't mind being a life guard though, minus the life saving part. I'd get to sit in a chair, getting a killer tan, day in and day out with a gorgeous view!

Needless to say, the ladies had a mostly enjoyable time. I ran ahead to set up their tent and then met up with DH as he was bringing them to the beach. I love how we have opposite twins.

Claire refused her water shoes and hated the sand for a second consecutive year.

While Emma loved letting the sand run through her fingers and insisted on wearing her 'foose."

We had snacks on the beach. The ladies quickly learned that the lunch box was full of snack and the meager cups I had handed out were insufficient. So they smashed every snack and went through all the water and juice. I love this picture because Claire is smashing grapes. She doesn't like grapes, texture issues, but she likes the juice. So she was squishing them and sucking the juice. She soon was sitting in a pile of grape juice and we were asking her how wine was coming along.

The stripper struck again. Only there is no time out on the beach, just the threat of spray sunscreen! She managed to pull her suit down and sat down to fill it, and her diaper, with sand. That was a b*tch to clean and we learned that she is not a fan of the foot showers!

After all of that excitement, and the scream fest that came at the foot showers, the girls were zonked. Four hours of beach time was enough for them for one day, I'm sure DH and I would have happily stayed till the sun set and beyond. So while they slept in the car, DH took me into town to hit a toy store. While we were there I brought back some fresh, homemade ice cream since it was National Ice Cream day! Butter Pecan and Cookie Smash. Delish!

P.S. Marcia, I loathe baby powder. I hate the smell and texture, I hate how it lingers, and I hate how much we have in this house that we've never used. So no, no baby powered trick here. I just brush off what I can. The rest will work it was off. :)

Hottt

Yes, it's hot. It's crazy hot. Hotter than balls hot! Hotter than satan's kitchen. I don't remember it being it this hot, ever.

Dear Mother Nature,

You're a mean, vindictive whore!

Love,

Mandy

Ok, so I don't really mean that. Lies! I mean it whole heartedly! I have a party tomorrow! A party that has now been moved indoors-where there is no room! It also makes me loose all motivation because with a heat index of 120F, I think that any movement might cause instant death! To save you the trouble Marcia that's 49C and too hot me to go to the post office-again. I suck.

Luckily tomorrow's index isn't suppose to pass 115F. I guess I should be counting my blessing it's not raining? Although rain would help cut some this humidity and heat! I did manage to get all of my baking done, my cupcake stand made, my flag completed, and the BBQ in the crock pot! All with three kids in tow! BOO-YAH! Rockstar right here! Autographs after the show ladies.

To top the day off, my sister's the devil's surprise visit fell through. That's great because she wasn't invited! Her little tantrums are too much for me to handle on such a high stress day. How rude of someone to invite themselves! How rude for my mother not to inform me! "You can't deny me my nieces" HA! Watch me do it for spite! Oh the devil, she provides endless entertainment.

Actually that wasn't the topper, the true topper to my day was find my parents had completely cleared out the Florida room to move the party indoors for us. What? Your parent's don't have a Florida room? Bwhahaha, it always makes me feel like their being pretentious. It's a glorified porch. Deep breaths... tomorrow is almost here for all who show!

P.S.- I'm with Marcia, I don't track down stragglers! But that's another post for another day!

Happy Birthday!!!

Being two is exhausting! An hour in and we're pooped! We haven't even begun the celebrations yet!!!

Oh when did my babies grow? Happy birthday ladies! I hope year two is twice is fun and holds many advancements in the bodily functions department.

Life Lesson

Life Lesson #249

Indecent exposure always lands you in the clink. Listen to Momma when she tells you not to show off the goods!

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Greetings from the sand...

The good life. Happy Sunday!

And happy national ice cream day!

Happy Friday To Me

Happy Friday to me, I bought new paint-y!

The week coming up I start my vacation. Yay for down time! Only I haven't left much time for down time. Starting Sunday we will:

• Hit the beach for the day
• Install new threshold
• Paint the living room
• Find a new basement door
• Paint the bathroom?
• Re-caulk windows
• Head to the Brandywine Zoo on the girls actual birthday.
• Hit the beach again
• 2 year well-visit
• Prepare for the party
• Hold the party
• Recover from the party
• Try to hit the beach again
• Convince myself new molding is worth the effort

With life on top of that. Who thinks I can get it all done?

Anyone??

Bueller?

It's Thursday

It's now approaching one o'clock and today I have successfully:
Proofed a paper
Paid a bill
Maintained my sanity
Chased after 3 toddlers
Survived a near concussion
Watched two toddlers poop
Watch a bird poop (I can totally scratch that off my life list!)
Picked a color for the bathroom
Resisted turning the hose into a water cannon to quel mini rioters
Contemplated the meaning of life
Complained aloud to a cat about the amount me garlic in my lo mein
Eaten a half chewed grape.

I'm definitely ready for a nap! Hope your Thursday is going well!! I'm off to save bitey from ridicule, poor cat, they never learn.

Family Wednesday

Wednesday has been almost like a day off this summer and I have instituted family time. We do things and it's fun. I highly recommend.

Today's trip is less kid friendly, but more kid focused. We're birthday/party/house shopping. Ok, so the house shopping it totally for me. I'm still at a lost for what to get the ladies. I am anti-toy, the clutter eats at me. So with the help of yet another flood, their toys have been filtered. Now I'm worried they will all come flooding back in with their birthday!

So today we will look for key items, pick up some party supplies, and I will ponder the cost and usefulness of these:

Balance Bikes

Click on it! Thoughts? Does anyone have one? The ladies legs aren't long enough to reach peddles on ANY bike or trike. And if this will eliminate me having to deal with training wheels, why not?!

Ok, off for some family fun!

Really mother nature? Really? Again?? Another day of sky falling madness? This is getting re-damn-donk-ulous!!! Enough of the rain!!!!

No Effing Way

Fuckity, fucking,

fuck,

fuck,

fuck!

One step forward, two steps back! This is not Paula Abdul singing to you, this is real life. My life. And it's pretty shitty right now.

Don't get me wrong, I totally should have expected it. We had a great forth of July. We had both sets of grandparents over for a cook out. Our first cookout. It was successful without the awkward in-law mingling. I think my mother actually likes my MIL. Maybe it's because she knows I like her more. While my father was here I gave him his shop vac back.

Mistake 1:

Once something is removed from the parental unit's possession it is no longer considered their property. Ownership is then transferred to the "borrower" and reversal brings bad ju-ju!

I ventured to boast that the house was coming along. I chatted about finishing the floors both upstairs and in the basement. I bragged about being on top of things. I briefly held some pride in my house.

Mistake 2:

Never assume your house likes you. The universe, and everything in it, is out to get you. As much as we think we have control, we don't. Every home is a money pit, there is always something that needs attention. Regardless of age or condition, people will sink money into their house. Whether it be serious repair or cosmetic upgrades, homes eat money.

I complained about the weather. I live in Baltimore. Baltimore is humid. I ask for rain. I should have asked for a mass of dry air to move into the air.

Mistake 3:

Be completely clear with Mother Nature. She's an old bitch who can't hear and she is always looking for a way to teach you a lesson.

With all that said....

The basement flooded again. 3 inches of standing water that saturated my flooring, furniture, walls, doors, and fresh baseboards. The outside stairwell is filled with water that has no where to go until the water recedes. Of course this happens...

Right after I gave my father the shop vac back, because I wouldn't need it.

Right after I finished the new floor. The new floor that is now ruined and need to be removed and replaced.

Right after I though I was ahead of the curve.

Right after I asked for rain because the humidity was just too much.

It was a momentous storm. I was lucky enough to be driving home in white out conditions, on a cement road with worn lane markers and quarter sized hail. I drove past the port. Did you know it rains harder near the water? And that the water is whipped out of the harbor by the wind and pummels your SUV while blowing it around the road? It also washes out the road and you don't quite realize how much water is on the road until dear old Betsy give you a little shudder at all the water her engine is swallowing. All the while you're praying that the chip in your windshield doesn't catch a giant piece of hail and shatter.

Notice the absence of sidewalks, all that brown is rain water. Hello flash flood! It came up to the doors on my car and I felt totally safe just driving through it. I do apologize to the person walking in the alley, although I'm pretty sure it was a teenager enjoying the storm.

The closer I get to home the more I relax. There is black top, I'll be able to see! Only the fallen trees, which are everywhere, have taken out the power. It's raining so hard I can't see the cars pulled over on the side of the road, and I couldn't cross traffic because I couldn't see if there was traffic coming. So in my infinite wisdom I take the side streets. That makes sense, I can go slow! More down trees. More water. So much water I couldn't make it home. A giant tree branch was floating in the pond that was the entrance to my street. So I pop a u in the middle of street, dodge some more branches, and make it back to a main street to find it blocked by more branches. Quickly I turn down an alley. I am a moron. I'm two blocks from home and I'm stuck in an alley surrounded by water. I keep trucking because I have two babies who are hungry and I pre-ordered a pizza delivery! I make it to the next cross street and there is no longer street. Half tempted to just abandon my car and walk, the hail comes back and makes me think again. Luckily a penis extension drove past and I was able to cross the street in it's wake. Drive up my hill was great. The benefits of living on a hill! The pizza was only 10 minutes late and the guy called to apologize for the hail! Don't apologize friend, Mother Nature has something wedged where it doesn't belong!

Needless to say it has been a sucky night. It will be a sucky weekend. And I will be repeating renovations thanks to this not being covered by insurance. I am thankful however. On my way to may parents I passes several large downed tree branches, people without power, a small electrical fire, and an apartment complex where three of the four buildings had lost their roofs. We made it home. Our house is in one piece. And despite being completely pissed that I have to redo the basement AGAIN, I'm excited to start. Maybe I can invent a totally waterproof door and I market it for millions...

Hope You're Ready

...cause I'm sure not!

My impromptu "cookout" is a real success! Tomorrow I planned to lounge around the pool, cook on the grill, and generally be lazy and careless. That was until I thought to invite the grandparents.

I started by asking DH to invite his parents over. Innocent enough. There's always a 50-50 chance of them coming. It usually depends on the past weeks' activities, the weather, and the tilt of the earth's axis in relation to the grocery store sales. They said yes. Great. Small affair.

Then I said self, you need to be fair. I learned this from my cousin. Damn her. I applied her philosophy of not one without the other. So I invited my parents. They certainly wouldn't show! See my parents are usually busy, if Dad isn't working he is at lodge. Mom is usually busy or prefers to be her hermit self. I should have known she would be free, she is jonesing to see my floors. Apparently Dad has off too! So not only are they coming for food, they are meeting us bright and early for the parade! Grrrrreat! I might actually have to look put-together!

The real kicker is that they all want to know what to bring! How about chairs because I've got 4! Mwhahaha! I'm just such a great host!

How does the 4th work in your town?

We have a parade, fireworks, and a weekend fair. All my life I thought that was the norm everywhere! I hope everyone else is ready and the rain holds off. I am curious to see what the girls' reaction is to their first fireworks!