My Last Day

My last day at work I didn't know I wouldn't be back for some time. I just happened to grab my aprons for washing because the following day was my scheduled day off. My coworkers all joked that day that I wouldn't be there much longer-if only I knew how right they were! Of course the story took some unexpected twists and turns but I delivered two healthy babies and got to enjoy them for these last few weeks. Tomorrow is a day I dread-back to work. I am only going back 3 days a week, Thursday, Saturday and Sunday for now and they'll be left with DH and my mother for a few hours on Thursdays. This is just killing me. That's 30 hours a week I'll miss out on watching them grow and develop. I don't know how DH goes to work everyday. I thought his comments about missing them and how much they've grown in day were over exaggerated but here I sit missing them before I've even left!

I'm just so depressed and torn up inside today. I laid in bed with the girls this morning till 12 just holding them together against my chest. I wish I could be more carefree and just quit. Sitting around and hoping everything will get taken care of just isn't my style. What is harder is that I know DH would support my decision, even if it did make him crazy with worry. So here I sit, in a messy house, laundry sitting in baskets waiting to be put away and dishes needing to be done-I'm watching them sleep. I keep kissing them today and holding them close, smelling their skin and wishing that I didn't have to leave. But my rational side always appears and reminds me that they'll be safe and well taken care of, it's only a few hours and few days a week. I think I wish they needed me more. I don't think I can handle them growing up!!

So to prepare for tomorrow I'm going to pump my boobs off, try on my work clothes that are way to small now and hopefully run out tonight and get some shoes-the dog ate mine! Nothing like last minute shopping! I'll tidy up the house and hide my messes so that mother will not think so little of my house keeping abilities and PRAY that my sister doesn't accompany my mother. I could despise and distrust no one more than I do my sister and the thought of her around my children makes me boil!!! Maybe I'll blog about her craziness one day. Trust me, I'm not exaggerating! So I'm going to go cuddle me babies some more and whisper in their ears, hopefully they won't forget me by tomorrow night.

Oh! Today's bright spot is: the insurance covered one of DH's hospital bills finally!!! YAY! Of course it is bitter sweet because the next letter I opened explained that they weren't covering another bill of his. We shall see.

Impossibly Hot in April

Just last week I was complaining to DH that it was April already with no sight of spring weather. Well apparently mother nature heard me bad mouthing her and delivered a heat wave! Sunday was my cousin's baby shower and it was in the upper 8o's. She is ungrateful and I almost hate her for it. She and her husband were about to start, literally, their first IF cycle for her PCOS when BOOM-she's pregnant! She is totally ungrateful for everything in her life, this baby and the shower were no different. Although I did like how the chick with twins stole some of the fire! That's what you get for being a blah lump Kelly Sue!! However I remained on good behavior and was rewarded with a snowball. Again I say, I have a wonderful husband. He came along and won a game and I got a pretty pink gerbera daisy! I'm sure I'll kill it within the next two weeks but I'll enjoy it till then. 

As for today, Mr. Car informed me that it was 97 degrees out when I left work! Holy Moley! The house is warm but now that the sun has gone down it's tolerable. When DH got home he had to work a few reeds (he's playing in the teacher band) and the babies went crazy! They were boppin' all over the place whenever he played. It was really neat. The settled whenever he took a break but started right back up when they heard him. This is week 21. People are starting to get touchy-feely again but I've learned to tolerate it. I'm glad the DH has taken an interest in my belly. I love when he touches me, I wish they would kick him. I think he would like it. As for the rest of the world-NO FREE RUBS! Even my big, gruff and grizzly boss was rubbing me like he needed luck at the craps table! He doesn't think I'll make it another month at work which of course I am out to disprove. 

Maybe tomorrow I'll post some new pics. Especially of my belly button and how it is no longer centered on my tummy. Yes, I'm a touch OCD but whose belly button shifts sides? It's reallllllly bothering me. Thursday is my next appointment and growth scan. They are always so much fun with my uncooperative children. I also have to call the pathology offices at the hospital so I can have the insurance forms signed while I am there. I will be the crazy woman making a huge scene till someone checks the no box and signs on the line! As for tonight, I have finally purchased a second nun-chuck for the Wii so I can beat up on DH in some boxing. Hope everyone remembers infertility week, we all struggle and have struggled so much I think we deserve a month but I'll settle for a week! Off for the cooler "man-cave" and boxing practice! 

Hello Final Notice

I'm so nervous I could poo my pants. I hate calling the insurance company! Of course I'm on hold so I'm getting aggravated on top of my nervousness. 

While we wait...

See the insurance company has yet to pay the hospital for DH's surgery. They are conducting a pre-existing condition investigation and have sent "papers" to Dr. DaVinci 3 times now yet Dr. DaVinci's office claims they've never received such papers. I however, am getting final notice bills from the hospital and am probably on my way to a collection agency. This surgery was 4 months ago, was pre-authorized, was called in and is completely covered under my insurance. (We just hit the 6 minute hold mark) So I am baffled as to why they just won't pony up the money! I'm not completely sure what this pre-existing thing is, I know they pulled it on me the first time I tried to use my insurance-for a pap smear! So I am sure it is bull, I know they should pay and I'm almost positive that if I appeal a full denial that the court will agree with me! For christ sake I got married just to do IVF! What a great story to tell my kids right? (Still on hold) Yes, Mommy and Daddy live together for a long time and were very happily un-married till we couldn't make babies and the state of Maryland said the only married people could build-a-baby so we shot-gunned it down the the shore! (RING~!)

(she sounds nice)

(a little slow)

(she is really nice)

(looking....looking.....oh same problem as always!)

So I'm on hold again, the hold up is not with Dr. DaVinci! It's with the pathology lab! They haven't been responding to the letters. Even though Dr. DaVinci ordered the tests at the lab the day of surgery, this other Dr. is the one who performed them I guess? He has to answer the letters!! So now I have looking to see if she can ....

So she is having the papers faxed, to my cousin who luckily knows our story. All of this is because the lab Dr. who did the pathology on the samples never answered a yes or no question. Have you looked at Mr. DH's ball samples before- NO! Of course my answer wasn't convincing enough! So I will heading to the hospital to find some Dr. Palermo and make him check a box!

Well that was tense. I need a massage now....maybe some more shopping! 

Wanna See A White Boy Jump?

Then watch as his pregnant wife is knocked into the street!

I shouldn't laugh, it really had the potential for disaster. We were walking the dogs, I had slow and faithful and DH had Mr. Energy himself. I was walking street side, he fence side. We came to a big privacy fence and our little ball of energy Kenton walked right up to the dog barking behind the fence. Well this upset the big scary dog who charged the fence and sent all 70 pounds Kenton flying back, into me! Bam, I flew into the street. While trying to collect my pride and not cry over my scrapped up palm, DH is nearly screaming my name on this very quite, tree-lined street. Of course today my shoulder and hip are sore, but I'm glad I can look back and laugh! 

Yesterday I celebrated St. Patrick's day with some Italian food, I'm a German girl so I guess it really doesn't matter. No Guinness here... :( I did manage to finally call the insurance company to see why they have yet to cover DH's surgery. Turns out the Dr's office never sent in their paperwork! So I naturally called the Dr's office and they claim to have never received paperwork! So I threw my hands up and went shopping. I'll tackle that tomorrow. Today I have work, a major headache, and need to get myself all geared up and worried for the Dr's tomorrow. It's so weird to have gone an entire month without an office visit, a call, new meds, a ultrasound or b/w. I feel relatively normal, and that is very strange! However I'm concerned about all the cramping I've been having, the constant headaches and the sex of the babies. I'm also worried about my sex life and my cribs coming back in stock but I don't think she can fix either of those!

Today I Will Call

Today I will call, today I will call, today I will call....why am I so nervous? 

Still insanely nervous for some unknown reason. I know my chances for bad news are far less than I am planning for, however they are still there. I've decided on Tuesday. DH thinks its better to know sooner than later, he has even offered to go with me. Of course once he offered I suddenly didn't need him to go. So I've left the decision up to him. I hope OB appointment are done with monitoring, I don't want to wait all day. Although I do dread getting up so early to make it out to the office at 6:30-7 since I've been sleeping till after 9 every day. Most importantly I hope they give me a picture. 

Yesterday the first denial for DH's procedure came, not a flat out denial just the we need more information BS. So I will fill that out and send it back, along with a copy of my pre-auth letter and continue to hope for the best. 

Off for my new favorite breakfast of eggs.

Party for ME

So this morning I went for beta #3 and was greeted by my favorite nurse Patty. She was the first nurse I had when we started this cycle so I clung to her. We always chatted about life outside IVF and the clinic and she really made me feel like a real person versus a number. She is fantastic. So this morning we were chatting and she said I got a break from u/s today-lucky me. Well then I told her that this was beta #3 and we all started chatting about early pregnancy. The other nurse came in all worked stopped in the office, for about 10 minutes on account of me. We were talking, and exchanging stories, they offered me all these tips-it was fun, like a couple of high school girls socializing. Then Patty, this is another reason she is my favorite, started looking at my file and my number and tried to squeeze in a u/s right then and there! She wants to see too! Sadly it didn't work out, the office is closed today for everything but monitoring technically since they have to go to a big company meeting. :( But she said Friday or Monday most likely and that I have to find her! 

I hope I get a picture. I really want a picture. Being as I have yet to tell my mother, a picture would be soooo much easier. Today's call back will be really late, between 5:30-6:30 so I have all day to get myself worked up. On the other hand, I have the distractions of baking for a dinner party tonight, cleaning, crazy dogs, DH's follow urology appointment and returning my injectables. I think it is so awesome that they give me money back for the meds I didn't use! I wish I knew someone around here that could use them since I have great insurance and our entire IVF goody bag only set us back $100! However I'm not totally pleased with the insurance company because DH's procedure is in limbo it seems waiting on more information! Uhg!

I guess I'm off to research bella bands. I really want one since the prometrium has caused conflict between my pants and I but can't convince myself to get it. Just like I couldn't convince myself new bras were necessary but DH insisted and was totally right. I could get to liking the new improved girls! :)

Insurance

Checking my insurance company's site has become a daily ritual. I check to see what has been submitted, processed and covered. Obsessive-just a bit, understandably so though. Tonight DH's microTESE, well part of it anyhow, popped up. Of course it popped up stating it wasn't covered and I currently owe $3000 to the hospital. Now it did offer some crap about pending information, and that it would be processed later-however "them's just fightin' words" to me. My insurance company loves to use this pre-existing condition clause for everything, they once tried to deny me a pap smear over this. I have my pre-auth letter which I am hoping will save me. They haven't processed the Dr. DaVinci's fees yet either, so I'm holding out hope. Our initial estimate was around $10K, so if they don't cover it and I lose my appeal-and groveling doesn't work-we'll only be out $7K which is better than $10K but not ideal. 

Absolutely none of my monitoring, retrieval or visits have been submitted either. :( I guess I'm just anxious for tax time in hopes of recouping some costs. I'm sure we've met the percentage this year! 

On other fronts, I'm sleepy. REALLY SLEEPY. I suddenly can't get enough salt. I don't drink enough. DH has limited me to yoga and balance exercises only which is understandable, but I still feel confined. Tuesday is Beta #3, which since it is a day later than she wanted me to come in should show off the chart numbers. Keeping my secret is getting harder, yet I don't really want anyone to know. I feel bad about not telling my mother yet, but not being close to her really leaves me lacking the right words. I'm sure it will come to me soon. If not the internet worked fine before...LOL. Hopefully these weird dreams will settle so I can get some sleep tonight and be ready for work tomorrow!