Who Knew?!

To get this...

...you need this!

Who knew!

I am so clueless about potty training.

Pizza Pie

In efforts to be a cool mom, and to not have to make lunch so often, I decided to employ the use of child labor. Only child labor isn't so useful when the labor is eating the materials.

Whomp, whomp.

I started off simple, we only made cheese pizza. I thought that would be a breeze with three under three. The three taught me otherwise. They could have cared less about making pizza. They did get the hang of it for a bit, then it was just fun to eat the cheese.

Nonetheless, pizzas were made.

And pizzas were eaten!

The pizza was pretty yummy. I just hope they get the hang of cooking soon.

Do you cook with your kids?

Beeeeeads!

This my friends, is a water bead.

Perhaps you've heard of Orbeez? They are really just water beads with a crazy mark up. You can hope over to your local hellmarts' floral section to find them for $2 a pack, or try to crazy lady on ebay. They are cheap and well worth the hours of fun. They come in all colors of the rainbow. They are squishy, bouncy, jiggly fun!

They start off as tiny pellets. They are actually water retaining polymers. They're marketed as floral decorations. Soak them for a few hours and you get yourself at least a half an hour of free childcare! We tried them out recently and it was amazing! I would pay damn good money to soak in tub of them at a spa.

Here they are an hour into soaking. They are still really tiny, about the size of the ball in a ball-point pen. This is a gallon size bag. I used three different colors, all together about the size of a one pack.

Four to six hours later, or over night if you lazy, you have an under the bed storage container of fun!

And fun they are. The girls still ask for them. The best part is that they don't dry out, so you can put a lid on it and pull them out over and over again. In fact, I found on in the yard that was as good as new after 4 days outside. They are non-toxic too, although I don't endorse chowing down.

As you can see, they are great! And you should try them- outside. They do squish, and eventually smash, and cleaning them up is like clean up non-melting jello. It's impossible.

You know you want to!

Ditching Irene

More digging for Irene. Don't I just ooze excitement for digging in the rain?

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Irene

Oh Irene, I hate to admit that you have me nervous.

I don't mean that I'm a fearmonger, bemoaning the inevitable downed trees and flooding. I can handle that. I love storms. Apparently since I was young I've enjoy all the weather events that others loath. I sleep best during thunderstorms, love being locked in my house, and I can't pass up a gray day. I'm now used to the basement flooding, although I am hopeful that my moat trench will save me. I'm even willing and prepared to lose power for days, I love candlelight!

What has me shaking in my boots is being without power, possibly for days, with TWO TWO YEAR OLDS! That is scarrrrry stuff! Sure we'll be fine during the day, I don't watch tv anyhow. DH will go stir crazy, and I may kill a dog for not wanting to go potty outside during a hurricane, but that's all small potatoes. I have one child who is afraid of thunder, and I am sure howling winds aren't going to go over too well. In theory we could go to the basement where it would be quieter but the family room no longer exists. Thanks water damage. It will be dark, it's a freakin hurricane, so I will go mad repeatedly denying requests for "liiights". They will be bored and I will be helpless.

So Dear Irene, please go elsewhere. I hear Guam is nice this time of year!

Next?

Sunday the sky fell and there was a tornado.

Today the earth shook.

Next Sunday there's a hurricane a-comin!

Really? I live in Maryland. We have extreme heat and cold, we get a lot of rain and flooding, occasionally there are tornados and bad hail. I've lived through several hurricanes, blizzards, and some off the wall storms. I've been victim to fly debris, falling trees, and far too much flooding for my liking. However today I felt the ground move.

Not much of a fan. I thought a 5.9 magnitude quake would be more exciting.

It was pretty neat though. I thought I was going crazy. Of course trying to grab three children AND step over a baby gate is pretty crazy. The house was definitely rocking! I heard it before I saw it. Saw it before I felt it. It was pretty much over before I realized it was an earth quake. Only one thing fell from a shelf, a shelf filled with glass vases, and I will admit that I was surveying the house for possible hazards in the event this ever happens again! Which I'm sure it won't. My poor MIL was sooooo shaken up. She thought the house was going to fall in on her. Of course FIL didn't feel a thing! They are such the perfect TV couple. I will say that the quake scared the shit out of Claire, literally, so take that Mira.lax!

It was amazing to see fb explode with posts, and yes I am guilt of doing it. I love the people going on about it being a sign of the end times. Yup. Because God is totally starting with Virginia. It was disgusting to see the pot of drama the news was stirring up. An hour later they were still broadcasting "breaking news" of a quake that lasted a minute at most. Let's interview people on the streets and look at helicopter views of NOTHING GOING ON! I think my favorite part was them going on and on in the serious reporter voices about NOT PANICKING!

So that was my day, there were also water beads and pizza making but that will wait till later. Soon I'll head home to see if the house is still standing and the dogs are alive. I'll be sure to drive around the city and avoid the tunnel and bridge today. Oh, and I'll totally work on my drain for the upcoming hurricane. If nothing else I can teach the girls to sail tin foil boats in it if it fails!

Did you feel the quake? And how tired are you of hearing about it?

In The Works

I have multiple posts "in the works" but I need to take a moment to vent.

Real life catches up with me a little to much sometimes. I usually have no one to blame but myself. Today the rain caught up with me, again. Yes, AGAIN. Mother Nature is a heartless bitch and is on a mission to destroy me. Lest anyone thinks I'm complaining about a little rain, this was taken down the street from my house.

Next time you're house shopping, ask about flooding. Ask about how the land lies and how the water table is, and if the town is over 150 years old with outdated sewage and drainage. I can walk to the end of my street and jump into the Chesapeake Bay. Water is a big selling point. It's also a pain in the ass. Texas isn't sounds so bad...

I left work early to deal with the sky falling around my house. It only took 30 minutes with all the washed out roads. It also involved me breaking various laws and backing down my street to make it home. So amid the sky falling and the basement flood, again, I decided to take charge and stick it to Mother Nature. If my basement floods after this, I will find her. We will have words.

I think in my next life I could be totally happy digging ditches in the rain. It's currently only 12" wide and 18" deep, but it diverted the rain. All the rain water was running from the house and pooling here and running down into the basement. I knew I needed to fix it. The pounding rain and hail was enough to push me over the edge. I'm pretty sure DH thought I had totally lost it. When I am done it will be deeper and run to the back of the yard where I will flush it to the neighbors gutter. I know nothing of French drains, but I am in the process of putting one in! It can't be that hard right? I have the internet on my side...

Please note I am not willing to pay someone to do this, but I am totally willing to pay for dinner with these cuties!

They all wanted to sit together so I got to enjoy a hot meal, without interruption!

Happy End-Of-Summer!

Postcards From The Road

Aren't I just the quintessential, All-American MoM? DH thought I was a nut bag and thoroughly LOVED the small town, one room post office I sent him too for stamps. What grandparent wouldn't love finding this in the mailbox? I'm awarding myself 27 points for this plus 6 more for killing 15 minutes in the hotel doing it! More about our gateway later.

Sunday Not Funday

• 10:45 Leave to pick up work transfer
• 10:50 Monsoon
• 11:01 Flat tire
• 11:12 Drenched
• 11:14 Sunshine and birds singing
• 11:20 Find out basement is flooding as I text to complain about my horrible luck
• 11:40 Delivery of dry clothes and shoes (Happy Mama)
• 11:46 Car remote broke
• 11:48 Car alarm blaring
• 11:49 Engine locked
• 11:50 Car alarm off
• 11:51 A whole bunch of really bad words
• 12:15 Tire swapped out

Sunday is not always a fun day. In fact, this Sunday was pretty shitty. Did I mention we are leaving Tuesday during nap for vacation? Or that this is our only car that is totally betraying us right now? I bet I forgot to tell you that I feel totally responsible for all of this. I also work both Monday and Tuesday mornings, leaving little time to fix any of the above issues that should have been handled sooner-hence my guilt.

We need new tires. We just got the "yellow light" at our last oil change. But I was holding out. There might be a sale, AFTER DH goes back to work. The key fob has been on the fritz. I should have replaced the second one when the dog ate it FOUR YEARS AGO! But I held out, we still had one working one and a valet set. But I totally opted for the stabilizer(THAT LOCKS MY ENGINE!!!!) that makes the valet keys virtually useless because it's all about security, right? The basement door terribly needs to be replaced, but I was holding out because it doesn't rain that hard all the time right? It's not like my basement floods regularly or anything... sigh.

I'm happy to report that DH has resurrected the key fob thanks to some gorilla glue. That will tide us over till after vacation. I love that he said "I can't break it anymore, right?" before he started to futz with it. I have everything crossed that the warranty is still valid on our tires and they'll just throw a new one on for us. What has me worried is that the rim is damaged. Maybe the tire wasn't totally flat, although it looked it, but I certainly didn't hear or feel a thing. Who knows how long I was driving like that?! Isn't it suppose to pull and make noise? It certainly makes noise with that stupid little donut. Why do they put donuts on SUVs? There are lights on my dashboard blinking that I didn't know I had! And yes Rebecca, I totally called my dad to change my tire. I certainly wasn't doing it in the rain! Had he not been available I was soooo going to use that roadside service I pay for and have never used!

What is even better is that DH is going to take care of the tire issue tomorrow by himself and leaving me to clean the house! FABULOUS! I can't leave with a dirty house and I love to clean when I am home by myself. I'll give the girls some rags and we'll have a ball. Of course all these things could have had better timing, or just not happened at all, but I made it through and my hives went away! So take that universe!

And yes, this did help alleviate some of my "what if" worry about quitting my job.

Budgeting and Bills

So in my quest to be work free (go vote in my poll!!!) I decided to take a gander at the old budget. I try to keep an eye on it, but mostly I just go with the flow. As long as things are still flowing, then all is well. A few clicks of the mouse brought me this:

DEAR GAWD! I need to learn to cook! How am I ever going to not work if I am blowing 18% of a budget on food?!?!?! This is crazy, but oh so quick and yummy!

I seriously need to stop eating out so much. That is a car payment! A weekend vacation! I could go on and on. I can't say I am surprised, we do eat out a lot and it's not the dollar menu. My "budget" , and I use that term loosely, is $100 a month for dining. That should afford us two meals out. Instead we've been eating out twice a week, and buying lunch. With all this eating out, I'm not sure what groceries we are buying. We certainly aren't eating $471 worth of groceries. Although fresh produce does add up, and the milk we go through is re-donk-u-lous. I'm getting a little ahead of myself, but September's goals should definitely involve meal planning.

So how much do you eat out? Am I the only one who spends this much money on food?

Cry Babies Linky

I'm linking up with Marcia to feature my crying babies! Oh how I love their little screaming faces, all red and squished!

Everyone has the obligatory fresh from the oven picture! This would be Claire crying, from the moment she was born till just this evening.

Even after we came home, there were more tears. Everyone cries when they get their first bath right? Claire sure did.

But she grew, and she ate. She never ate enough. Every time I attempted to eat, this is what happened. I still remember her blood curdling scream, even at 5 pounds with her little preemie cry.

Things got easier, Claire began to eat. Then she learned to hate other things, like her car seat.

She also hated not getting her way, like when she wants to be the photographer.

Most recently the Queen of Scream has developed a preference for the neat and tidy lifestyle. This doesn't include finger paint, no matter what the occasion.

Sometimes she just cries to cry. And it's adorable. Sometimes I want to scream with her.

But there are occasions she is not alone. I'm not big on promoting Satan Santa and consumerism, and I couldn't imagine who would want to make their kids suffer through some picture session with an old guy in a red suit. This was TOTALLY WORTH IT! Bwhahahaha!

Poor Santa felt horrible, he loves kids, he wanted to keep trying and make them like him.

Still there are times when it's not Claire at all, Emma knows how to cry! Shocker! She didn't cry when she was born, it's a bit hard to do with you're not breathing. But she learned.

And after many lessons from her dear sister, she has perfected the art!

I love crying pictures! I wish I would have gone through all of my pictures to find more!

Getting It Off My Chest

This may be offensive, insensitive, heartless, and over opinionated-but I need to get it off my chest. Feel free to turn away.

My cousin overdosed. Again. And I'm sick of it.

I've reached a shit-or-get-off-the-pot mentality. If your life is so miserable and suicide is the only solution, at least do it right. Don't make the same half-hearted attempt over, and over, and over. It's killing your parents. It's killing your family. It's caused more pain to others then any amount you could be suffering. There are always people who have it worse and I don't think that some people get that.

We all have down days. We all make poor choices. We all live with the consequences. I understand depression is a dark and lonely road. But we all make the choice to deal with our problems or not. As an adult it's no longer cute to OD and spend the weekend in the hospital. It's never ok to make your mother cry. It's also not acceptable to make your mother hide what is going on in her life, to put on a fake smile and live in whispers in dark corners.

I just hope that after this he can handle his demons and grow up. If this happens again, I hope he can follow through. But most of all I hope his mother isn't left to care for a invalid son, her only child, for the rest of her life.

Stepping off my soapbox, feeling a bit lighter and slightly more sad.

August's Lumber

I totally built this. Buy myself. Take that Potte.ry Barn Kids!

I am in love with Ana White!

I hope to finish it by next week and reorganize the ladies room. Maybe I'll even build some more book cases for all those books I've desperately tried to crop out of this picture. Yes, our family room is a forgotten dumping ground. Isn't that what basements are for?

This is what the lumber on my August goals list was for and I am SO PROUD of myself for following through!!

Stupid Neighbor

It's probably impossible to see, but that half-a-bush is eating me alive! I live in a duplex which means in addition to sharing a center wall, we were also sharing a bush. I say were because Mr. Neighborman decided to cut a 40+ year old azalea bush in half! After a full year of not maintaining his yard he decided to clear cut everything! He hacked down a 6ft high wall of boxwood under his deck, a few rose bushes, and the giant 7ft dandilion plants that were growing along his shed. He finally removes tattered flags and lawn ornaments from the previous owners who left 3 years ago!

I understand it's his yard and his choice. But it went from bad to worse! He didn't dig out the root systems or even cut the bushes even with the dirt. There are just bare branches coming out of the ground! He's such a moron. But what else should I expect from someone who edges with grass killer?

I expected some advance notice, maybe a little input. I would have settled for a "hey I'm going to unbalance our houses and force you to spend buckets of money to re-landscape" note! Then in be effort to 'clean things up' he throws a few handfuls of mulch down. Yeah. That totally helps douche bag.

So anyone with any landscaping insight or ambition can gladly throw their two cents my way!

And just for spite, I totally plan on sabotaging his yard with cabbage seeds this fall. My house is small, even shabby by some standards, but at least I maintain it. Now it looks like manicured poo.

The Way The Wind Blows

We can only grow the way the wind blows, or so the song goes. But what if you can change the wind, or harness it? I've been wandering how much of my life I really control.

Today's I'm looking for assvice, perspective, thoughts, questions, and concerns. This is life altering. This is big stuff. I can't mess this up!

To work or not to work?

Prior to the ladies entering our life, I worked like a dog. Roughly 46.5 hours a week, if I took my lunches and only stayed my scheduled time. I also went to school full time for something totally unrelated. Grocery store life will suck you in and it's certainly not the field I want to stay in. It's far from a glamourous job. I cook. I plan menus. I order food. I try to be innovative and sell product. That's grocery life. I was being groomed for true management. Fast forward to my return from maternity leave, I work 20 hours a week-if that. I stepped down from my position, gleefully. I still do the same things, just not nearly as much or as often. I am no longer in control. I am however, expected to maintain control. I am expected to act like a manager, to handle business like a manager. I am a professional baby sitter to 30 other adults. I don't get the salary that comes with it.

In addition to my job, I am expected to supervise another department. I am also suppose to pick up the slack from the woman who does my old job and doesn't keep up. Since she can't keep up, I am the one who reports to my manager about the department. This is all part of the job description that I no longer have. Yet this is what is expected of me, this is what I do because no one else will, this is my problem. My manager is my friend, but he takes advantage of me. Just yesterday I was berating him about his underperformance in handling various situations. To top that off, the store manager came to me to discuss my manager's poor scheduling and performance. Really? Not my job friends!

Any ordinary person would just toss out their two weeks and be gone. But I can't. How do you quit a job? What would I be then? Granted this is far from a dream job or even something I'm trained for, but it does allow me to contribute to the household. Without it, I am just a SAHM. Is that bad thing? Is that what I really want? I'm not sure.

Yes I would love to not have to work, at least right now. I want to stay at home and drink up the ladies. To play and have fun, learn, nurture, grow-ALL THAT JAZZ! We can even make it swing on a teacher's salary! However, because there is always a however, we wouldn't be able to live this life. This life meaning $100 Hellmart trips, weekend vacations, and frequent meals out. I'd have to be more conscious with money. No more buying things just because they're on clearance, fewer get aways, and certainly no eating out 2-3 a week. It would also delay plans for buying a new car, but I suppose I could buy used to save some $$$. It could and most likely would delay moving. It would be a life style change. I most certainly wouldn't be comfortable buying things for myself. I wouldn't have any money. I couldn't buy as I please. It just wouldn't feel right. It's essentially what is happening now, but at least now I can say that I bring in a few hundred every week to justify my purchases.

I don't want to be a freeloader. I don't want people think I live some plush life. I certainly do not. We live comfortably. I don't want to jeopardize that. I worry that something may happen. Something always happens. If something costs thousands, we'll be S.O.L. Savings can only carry you so far, and without a second income it will be hard to replenish. There is the issue of DH being a teacher, and teacher's don't work in the summer. We save during the year to carry us through, but what if we don't save enough? What if's are eating me alive at the moment. I think what worries me most is DH hating me. What if he doesn't like things after I quit? What if he doesn't want to bare the full burden? What if he is jealous or resents me for getting to stay home?

That being said, he fully supports me staying home. He has wanted it for me. He thinks that me working is too stressfully, and it certainly is for such little benefit. The other night he said it would be well worth it to lose eating out to have a happy wife. :) Sure I'll lose my employer matched 401k benefits and my extra health, vision, and dental benefits, but I'll gain my family and a stress free life. I feel like I can handle family stress much easier if I wasn't fretting over who's going to cover Tracey's shift, or pondering if I will have enough help in the department. Apparently I'm rather pleasant when work is off my mind.

We can only grow the way the wind blows, so I'm anxious to see what everyone has to blow my way!

Goals Update

Time to update my goal list, I'm thrilled to actually be able to do it! I also have added a few things, so technically all my progress has been wiped away. FML.

My plan to build a new coffee table magically turned into a bookshelf for the ladies and the head and foot boards for my bed. I can thank my mother for this who prefers my current coffee table to the new one I wanted to build, although I think I'll still build it. It adds another hiding place, err, I mean storage space for toys!

August Goals

Get a quote and appointment for car detailing
Weed the yard
Order DH's new school clothes
Book hotel stay for September
Order lumber for table (SUPER EXCITED)
Re-patch wall in living room
Paint the living room

Re-plan August vacation

But I feel horrible....

...as you should wench!

SIL, what an ass! She wanted to do this family trip. Of course we were the ones changing our schedules and making the accommodations for the one who doesn't work. Gah! After I have planned out our trip she starts texting this morning.

SIL: When were you thinking of going? Heath wants to take me away for our anniversary.

Me: I thought we decided on Wednesday? (She's totally bailing on us! WTF)

SIL: That's the day he wants to leave.

Me: What about Tuesday night? (I don't feel like accommodating you!)

SIL: I have to drop Mady off at her dads. (So you've made up your mind already, NICE!)

Me: It's ok. Enjoy your trip! (Lies!)

SIL: But I feel horrible because I wanted to do this.

That is where I left it. How do you totally ditch plans? I am beyond pissed. It's not ok and I hope she does feel horrible but I know she doesn't. It's just like Marcia posted about non-RSVPer's- she found something better. I hope this marriage lasts for her. I'd totally love hate to see her fall flat on her face, penniless, again. I guess when you struggle to be a kept woman, you have to do what you have to do to keep the keeper happy! It makes me sick.

I'm not so upset that I have to re-plan a vacation in a week. Or that there will now be no adult time as we will be just us and the girls. I understand things come up and plans change. But this was her idea, her desire, and we made it work for her. All she had to do was show up. Her lack of concern and consideration disgusts me. Bleck. When did it become ok to be so rude?

Needless to say I am totally pissed and taking this personally. I would also like to reiterate that I spent my anniversary at home alone while my husband helped his father bury HER dog that she left behind when she married her first keeper husband.

So I'm off to plan a 3 day trip to the beautiful state of Pennsylvania. No Hershey Park for us this time, but there will still be Dutch Wonderland I believe. We could still hit Strasburg. If I'm feeling ambitions we could go up to Philly for the Zoo and the Please Touch Museum. Whatever we decide to do, I definitely think it would not be out of my way to egg her house!

Or I could sit at home and pout while working on my house.

Is it just my family? Or do family trips and vacations never work out?

August Goals

I'm playing along with Marcia and you should too!

August Goals

Get a quote and appointment for car detailing
Weed the yard
Order DH's new school clothes
Book hotel stay for September
Order lumber for table (SUPER EXCITED)
Re-patch wall in living room
Paint the living room

Seven is a reasonable number I hope. Seven on top of the 47 million other things... Keep me on track people!

Stepping Up On The Soapbox...

With enough votes and bru-ha-ha today, we will have even more debt as a country and I won't have to pay for my pap! So since we're totally cool with continuing to max out our debt and make other people pay for "womanly things", can we throw fertility coverage in?

I'm not all for pork barrel but if I can everything else for free, including the permanent prevention babies, can I also get a baby for free? I promise to pay my taxes, to not use goverment assistance, and I'll even clean my room every day for a whole year!!!

Still no?!

I figured it was worth a shot....

Stepping off my soapbox...

Monday

It's Monday. The start of another week. But this week will be different, it's our start to big-girl-dom! We are officially making the attempt to subsist with just one nap.

ONE NAP!

One puny, teeny, tiny, microscopic nap.

I hope I survive.

Today I started by putting HAM down for her morning nap and we've played quietly with puzzles. Great. Fine. I am even on the computer. So I still have some "me" time. A half an hour in and they now need to share the table with me so they are looking through the paper, naming things in the ads. So far so good. I have realized that I use nap time to check up on emails and blogs (still a go), edit papers (not happening), and to feed myself (not a chance!). So I am going to starve, great!

This is all part of growing up. The final effort to lose that last bit of baby weight. HA! I think I can handle one nap a day, at least that is what I'm telling myself. Next up on my list are potty training and abandoning baby jails for toddler beds. If I can make it through this by the end of the year (my goal) and still have my hair because I know my sanity will be gone then I will consider myself super mom! I mean this in all seriousness, I am FREAKING over these things. How do you do it?

Screw the "my babies are going up" line, blah blah blah! They will have control! Up until now I have had all the power, and power is not something I like to just hand out willy nilly. I'm just suppose to trust that they will peacefully lay down and sleep through the night. No getting up and pestering the other? What about nap time, whenever that shows up, and they're suppose to atually sleep and not play? What about the toys? They can't move, I won't have toys ALL OVER my house.

Then there is the potty. Am I suppose to trust them here too? What if they say they don't have to go when they really do? They could pee on something important! LIKE ME! Or do something worse. What if they start marking their space? What if the dogs join in? Do they make potty pads for kids? I think I'm more disgusted with the thought of them peeing in the car. Yes I can wash the car seats, but the smell. That smell will never go away. I'll have to buy a new car. Which I will probably need after the fossilized Chee.rios are ripped out by the detailers anyhow!

This is all starting with losing a nap. From two naps to one. Deep breath. I would just like to remind whoever may be listening that I wanted babies, I didn't ask for self sufficient toddlers! LOL! This craziness wasn't in the book...